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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is an interesting thread.  I don't think this has to do with men vs women-- it's just we're still culturally trying to get ourselves out of that mindset.  My DH and his dad do more emotional labor than than me or his mom (his parents are not married).  There was a hard press initially after our wedding though for me to do the more traditional female labor-- which was never discussed pre-marriage.  I guess I'm lucky that I'm inherently anti social and have long been comfortable disappointing people.  I said hell no to all suggestions/demands/PA remarks that I should be doing more.  And after that no one has brought it up at all.  DH talks to his family, buys gifts for his family, arranges visits for his family.  And all is fine.  
So while I do think there is still an expectation for wives to take on these responsibilities, women need to women up Nd just say no.

That said, I'm from a very liberal place/family and my personality is obtuse, so I can totally see how women from other families with more caring personalities find themselves in this situation.  And I still have internal arguments with myself over whether I should do more emotional labor for the sake of my marriage-- my DH would certainly appreciate it, but would it then become an expectation that I couldn't
possibly keep up with?

Also I wonder how much we think we are teaching our kids.  My mom is the quintessential emotional labor wife.  She was a SAHM and still a SAHW who does everything for all the extended family and friends.  And she created me-- who does nothing.  Will my daughters then compensate by being more like her because they see what is lacking in my relationships?  Or is it just personality driven?[/quote]

++1 I'm in this exact camp - DH does most EL - used to ask me to call my folks & sibs, do family gatherings etc, but soon it became clear I really don't care, especially I don't care if relatives I hardly know like or hate me.  This was more so since my parents and sisters earlier did horrible things to break us up coz they disapprove of DH.... I actually happily used this soured relationship to shake off lots of unwanted social obligations and stresses, and life is sweet this way.

Same with housework, errands etc. We don't have kids together  yet, but we've discussed this a lot... I have kids from a prior marriage who live with their father, and he's observed how I repeatedly refuse to be emotionally manipulated as a mother, and the dad just has had to do his part of EL or it remains undone.[/quote]

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