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[quote=Anonymous]I wonder if it has to do with that there are so many sub-cultures here, and I don't just mean on ethnic lines.
Take something as simple as Santa Claus.  Just go with me here…
Ok, first, you have the subcultures who don't celebrate Christmas.  Then you have the subcultures who do celebrate Christmas but not Santa Claus.  Then you have the subcultures who celebrate Santa Claus but not Christmas.

Among Santa Claus celebrator subcultures, you have the ones who open presents one day at a time, ones who pile it all up under the tree, those who say all presents are from Santa and those who only say the stocking presents are from Santa…on and on.

Ok I know we are not talking about Santa here, but it's EVERYTHING.  So many things are different--take money--do you give adult kids money, and if so, what is fair--is fair dollar-for-dollar, or which kid needs it the most?  Etc.  Everybody does it differently.

So, my brother married a woman I introduced him to, who was my friend's sister.  We all went to the same small Catholic school in the same mid-sized town.  You'd think we would be very similar.

My SIL operates so differently than our family, it's as if we are from different cultures.  She sees love as zero-sum, so hoards my brother and keeps him from us.  We see love as expansive, so we welcomed her into our family and included her in everything.

I remember one time she complained that on their property at the edge of the road they had a water spigot.  Every now and then a hiker would use the spigot to give their dog some water.  She was furious--"that's stealing!" and got a big fake rock to hide it.  I was simultaneously thinking to get a dog bowl and put a little sign that said "Doggie Watering Hole"  I thought, wow, that is the difference between us right there.

So--what I'm getting into is when people marry, if the traditions are named as different (like Christmas and Hanukah), then they might be discussed and compromised on…but there are so many unnoticed differences in values and outlooks and world views, these prove tricky when dealing with extended family.[/quote]

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