Reply to How Was Your Cheating Or Your Signficant Others Cheating Discovered?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
The location services on cell is very useful to see where they have been.[/quote]

Do you regularly track your SO?[/quote]

Tracking won't always work. I never lied about my whereabouts. If I went somewhere, I told my DH, included something plausible about why I was there (e.g. picking up lunch and some new towels at whatever store ...) 
Plus, AP & I  had sex at my house. So. I was at home. [/quote]

Did you have sex with AP in the marital bed? :evil: [/quote]

Yes, we did. [/quote] 
I should add, it didn't start off in our bed, but after a while it just seemed like the logical move. AP was much more nervous about doing it in our bed than I was, but really, the bed is one of the best places to have sex. Comfortable, big, allows for more positions.

I realize some (many? most?) people would think it was 10x worse bringing an AP to   the marital bed, but it didn't seem like a big deal at the time. I'd probably NEVER do it in his bed, I've never even been to his house. I can't even imagine doing it in somebody else's bed. But me, fucking my AP in MY bed? I loved it. But I think that harkens back to my anger issues with my DH, that I didn't care about his feelings.
[/quote]

Agree. Anger not just that my H is happy for me to be the workhorse in our marriage, but that he doesn't satisfy me in bed either.[/quote]

Very creepy, almost psychopathic, the way that you deal with your anger.  If you're angry about something, why not just discuss it?  If it's not resolved or resolvable, then why not divorce and move on?  But, AP sex in the marital bed represents a kind of creepy, secretive revenge that is the uncontrolled output of anger that a person is too immature to deal with in a more responsible way.  I find the idea kind of scary.  If an AP could do that to his/her spouse, who knows what he/she will do when he/she is unhappy with me? [/quote]

Hm. I was denying I was even angry. I really was. But, once I figured it out -- wow. I figured it out. I was so angry and so hurt and so so let down by him. It wasn't a secret revenge, because I didn't even know what was going on in my own head and body. But it ended up with me acting out -- conducting and affair in our own bed. Right?

I'm going to agree, I don't deal with my feelings well.

Have you ever had the experience when you recall something from long ago, and you suddenly realize that your feelings had been hurt, and you had been so intent upon keeping the peace or maintaining your dignity at the time that you pushed that hurt down and forgot about it? But then when you remembered ... Of course you were hurt, and it HURT. There have been two times in my life like this. The first time was when I was 6, something my mother had done that deeply hurt me, and only in college did I remember and really think about it. I didn't even realize until that moment when I remembered it how hurt I'd been. I had to work through it. The other time was 6 or 7 years ago, when I was pressured (by DH) to have an abortion. And I did willingly to save his sanity and our marriage. But I didn't actually want to. And it didn't work out quite so smoothly, obviously, as a way to save our family/marriage (although we are still married). And it was only during my affair that I realized how hurt I was about it, and how angry I was. I hadn't forgotten it, but I had pushed all those feelings way way down. I'm not absolving myself. My choice, in the end. But it still led to a lot of hurt and anger.

But, back to the subject matter at hand. Sex in my bed with AP was free. Convenient. And yes, AP had performance issues there the first couple of times, but he adjusted. The reason I wouldn't do it in his bed ... maybe becauseI wasn't mad at his wife. [/quote]

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