Reply to Wife nearly died. Angry with underwhelming response from her family

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[quote=Anonymous]OP,

I'm really sorry that this happened to your wife and that her family is showing such little concern.  I lost my mom in 2001 and saw how helpless people become around illness. It's when I realized that it's easy for friends and family to be there for you during good times, but it's during the rough times you see who your real friends/famiy are. It's one of the reasons I was there for an ex-boyfriend who went through cancer (it came back after 11 years)--taking him to chemo, visiting him, taking him to sperm bank before cancer treatment, helping him buy hats, etc.  I was appalled at how unconcerned his "friends" were during that time.

It's obvious that your inlaws are a bunch of assholes.  My ILs are like that too.  Also, I have only brothers and I could see something like this happening to me.  Since we don't have our mother, I've kind of been the surrogate grandma for my nieces, in that I fulfill the role their only grandma does on their mom's side.  Example, I've watched his oldest several times when she was very young which required my traveling 4 hours to their town and taking leave.  But my brother never reciprocates.  I noticed it this Thanksgiving when he basically let me and my husband "watch" his two girls along with my two younger kids.  From cooking all week and getting up early w/ the kids I was completely exhausted.  He slept in and vegged while I was actively engaged with all of the kids. Not go mention he hardly talked to me except to berate me once for talking too loudly in a parking lot.  I've decided to disengage from them b/c of him mainly.

I would not bother responding to your SIL.  If it makes you feel better than perhaps an email laying out the facts would make her realize what a complete selfish person she is, but I wouldn't waste my time on that. I have young kids so I know how exhausting it can be even to take care of them with two healthy parents.  I would reach out to the school and church, but also, you may need to think about full time child care for the kids.  Your sister can't help indefinitely.

Also, do you have any back up care?  My job offers it and it's for when our childcare falls through or for help taking care of sick/ailing family members?  If so, i would access that.  Get a PT baby sitter or nanny to help out for the recovery period.

Good luck OP.  My prayers are with you and your family.

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