Reply to Thanksgiving 'dynamic' and how to prevent/deal with it

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I never knew the host and hostess sitting at the head of the table was an official thing...  Now I'm trying to remember if either my family members or I or DH have ever made that mistake of taking the host/hostess's chair at my in-laws.  We probably have at some point, and we probably were spurned without even realizing it. Live and learn.[/quote]

I Know! Who knew there are people who would get so worked up about something like this.

[/quote]

Hi all, OP here. I appreciate the advice and counter-points from everyone.

Let me clear something up: as I kind of mentioned in my original post, it's not literally, really so much about sitting in a certain chair, or serving platters, or any of those details.

It's about the fact that I feel she doesn't respect me, or appreciate all that I do for guests when I host. I feel like she is trying to "take over" in my home, and that's just not a nice feeling when my husband and I have worked very hard to get to this stage in life where we have a nice house and some nice things. My mom was/is a wonderful hostess, and it means a lot to me to be able to put her lessons and example into practice. It means a lot to me to incorporate old and new traditions, and make memories in our home. And as I mentioned in my original post, I also feel I go out of my way to make sure everyone feels welcome and included/helpful, and to honor MIL's family traditions--so it's not like I'm just trying to make everything "my way."

I respect her and I am a very respectful guest in her home.

And also--again, if you actually read my original post--I make it clear that I know none of this is truly a big deal in the grand scheme of things. I'm just trying to work around a known dynamic so that this upcoming holiday is as stress-free and happy as it possibly can be, and so that I can enjoy her company and our time together more.[/quote]

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