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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]This is so depressing. Partly because I can easily see how this happens. Do you think this kind of change over time is inevitable?[/quote] [/quote]

I don't think having one spouse never wanting sex again with other spouse is inevitable. But having the spouse- usually female - with responsive drive generally feeling like she can take or leave sex, miss the exciting sex she once had with nostalgia, and sometimes having good enough sex once the sex starts - that is inevitable for most couples. Some couples who are made of two people with individually high libidos - assuming no resentment or underlying issues - can keep a fire burning with novelty, experimentation, sometimes open relationships - because both people in the marriage are equally motivated by sex.

It's depressing if you went into marriage thinking it would be a lifetime of sexual exploration and fun. Which is like getting an English degree and expecting it will lead to riches. It might, but if you expect it will, you will likely be disappointed.[/quote]

Not quite.

Spoiled women who feel they have the upper hand in the relationship, and who are not particularly sexually attracted to their husbands in the first place, have "responsive desire."  That is, they feel under no obligation to initiate anything, or to build up desire in themselves.  The husband must kowtow and cater to them in some manner to be graced with the astounding privilege of vaginal access.  The husband has to jump through an unknown number of arbitrary hoops and maybe if he is lucky her "desire" will "respond."  And maybe not.

It really has nothing to do with sex.  It has to do with power.  Denying sex to their husbands, or making them jump through endless hoops for the hope of getting sex--gifts, date nights, whatever the arbitrary requirement might be--is all about maintaining control and power in the relationship.

The only way to win this game is not to play.[/quote]

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