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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am in a similar situation, OP.  Except I was a total jerk and had a strong emotional reaction first.  Now I want to tell this parent/family member the facts calmly but an hesitant to open the can of worms that I did when I was an asshole and screamed at her.

Not to hijack your thread, but does anyone have advice for me?  Can I now approach the subject calmly just to get on the record?  [/quote]

Keep your mouth shut.[/quote]

+1[/quote]

Wow - I disagree 100%!!!  If I thought my sister was doing something that would emotionally hurt my nephew I would explode at her - and then apologize but definitely restate my objections calmly later.   I love my nephew and my sister!!!  These are not some random strangers whose business I can butt out of - they are constants in my son's, DH's and my life.

I would definitely bring it up again, PP.   [/quote]

I'll be looking for your sister's post on the "Family Relationships" board.  Probably something about her sister yelling at her for deciding to formula feed her son.  And then, after they'd moved past it (so she thought!) her sister sent her a follow up email with links and "calm" explanation.  How thoughtful![/quote]

PP here and no.  My nephew is a very, very bright but sensitive and well behaved boy and only 23 months old.  He has been home with a loving nanny who reads to him about two hours a day which he loves - and older books for four and five year olds.  This is a smart kid.  He is also small for his age.  My brother and SIL decided to send him to a big, franchised daycare for 8 hours a day at least and fire his nanny "to toughen him up".  I am opposed to everything about this plan but mostly his motivation.  I am a school psychologist and consultant for the top DC private preschools and I know this is a mistake.

I was a jerk to lose it on my SIL when she told me.  Now I do want to talk to my SIL and brother about this calmly.  And we are close - my brother's family and mine - having kids the same age and shuttling between each others houses for holidays and often evening date-night care.

I feel I have to say something.    [/quote]

OK, I think it is an overreaction to describe placing a 23 months old in a certified daycare as something that would "emotionally hurt" him. This seems like a reasonable parenting decision, and while only "to toughen him up" was communicated to you as the reason behind this decision, you don't know the whole story. What about financial considerations? Also "toughen him up" could mean a desire to have the child exposed to other peers in a larger, more structured setting. Anyway, whether or not or when to place a child in daycare is a decision that is solely for parents to make. You, describing yourself as a school psychologist and consultant "for the top DC private preschools," also seem to be biased against "big franchised daycares for 8 hours" because you make it sound like they are forced labor camps.

Apologize profusely to your SIL and brother. This is none of your business.

[/quote]

Actually I disagree.  If your sister can't tell you the truth (or even just her professional opinion) who can?  Seriously, are we never going to take advice from anyone ever?  Did giving birth make me suddenly infallible ?

This "mine your own business" contingent has gone way too far.  I would want to hear advice and opinion for other people.  In the end it is my decision, of course, on how I raise my child but I am not afraid of differing opinions and generally learn something from them.  [/quote]

I would agree with you if she had calmly told them her professional opinion from the get go.  Instead, she lost her sh*t on her SIL and has lost all credibility with them on this issue.  There is no way you can approach them about this at this point without putting them on the defensive, and I don't blame them.[/quote]

The initial poster has already shared her opinion, and describes herself as being a jerk about it.  If she tries to discuss it again, her SIL and brother will completely discount whatever she says and be more annoyed with her.  It's a question of nanny vs. daycare, not leaving the kid with a relative with a substance abuse problem or anger issues.[/quote]

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