Reply to MIL to 7 yr old daughter: I think about you every day...do you think about me?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here again..

Shes here again tonight. This time asking toddler multiple times "do you love grandma? Tell grandma i love you! Tell grandma I love you! Give grandma a hug and kiss! Give grandma a hug and kiss! If I come sit next to you will u then give grandma a hug and kiss?"

Sorry people but this sort of repeated asking.for affection and reassurance from children who dont want to give it is just not appropriate...there is a difference between grandma saying i love you i think about you everyday and i want to hug you all the time vs. I think about you everyday...now tell me if you think about me everyday...or tell me you love me!

In my opinion children shouldn't be pressured into emotionally taking care of the adults in their lives.

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OP, I am 100% with you on this.  
And by the way, I adore my two young grandchildren.  I've said "I love you" many times to the one who has language (the younger one isn't talking yet).  And I was very happy when the older one responded, "I love you, Grandma," at age 2 last winter, and then turned to my husband and said, "I love you, Grandpa."  He hasn't said it since.  No problem. If he never says it again in his life it is no problem.

What your MIL is doing is so out of line.  Honestly, there are so many reasons why I would never ever pressure a grandchild to express or do something!  Ninety-nine percent of those reasons have to do with their emotional well-being.  But the other 1% is important, too, and that is my relationship with my daughter-in-law.  I don't think I would be welcome very often in a home where I was trying to bulldoze my way into little people's affection.  And if I were not welcome to visit, well, that would be a huge loss for me.  So I want to be sure I am sensitive to everyone's needs, especially if not everyone has the same emotional radar.

So my question to you is, have you talked with your MIL about this?  If not, you really should.  It is a completely legitimate concern, and she needs to respect where you are coming from.  Let her know how much you know she loves the kids, and you are really happy about that, and happy that she expresses it, but she oversteps a boundary when she begins to pressure your children for a response.  And you are going to intervene on their behalf.  It is not going to happen any more.  Just draw the line.  And then enforce it.  Do it with love and respect for her and for your children.

And if she really doesn't get it that this kind of pressure could be now or in the future a source of awkwardness for your children, then just point to your children.  If the little one is squirming away or doesn't want to come to her, there's the answer.  Enough already.  Tell her that you would accept that response from your little one as the mother and would never pressure the child to come hug you.  Explain to her that when Grandma shows her love and makes herself available as a playmate and storyteller and all of that, then the hugs will come naturally.  Explain to her that your seven-year-old really does think about Grandma every day right now but won't always do so, just as she won't always think about you every day when she leaves home, and that's just how life is.  Your MIL needs to realize that her visits should be centered on engaging the children in the ways that come naturally to the children and should never ever be forced or coerced.  Since she doesn't realize this on her own, you need to teach her.  Otherwise I can only imagine it getting worse.
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