Reply to Anyone divorce your spouse just because of lack of sex?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]He made a decision that we would both be celibate. If I made a unilateral decision that I would bring other men into my sex life, it would be grounds for divorce. No one would question it. It's a horrible thing to do to your spouse, and so is refusing to give affection and love. It's downright abusive. [/quote]

QFT.  Very well put and succinct summation of the problem from the HD perspective.  No doubt some LD spouse will come back with some bitter retort, but it's hard to argue that what you wrote isn't objectively true.[/quote]

That PP you're quoting ended a relationship over it. That was the responsible thing to do if weren't compatible in that way. It also doesn't sound like they married that person but made sexual compatibility a priority BEFORE committing to a lifetime with someone. [/quote]

Probably all true, but still mostly speculative on your part and does nothing to refute her point. [/quote]

What is her point? That refusing affection to a spouse is abusive? I agree with that in some contexts. For example a marriage where one party is maliciously holding back affection to control the other party's actions. But if you marry someone who is less affectionate than you/wants less sex than you than it is abusive to hold them to standards you knew they were incapable of meeting. If you marry someone and are having relationship problems and this results in lower libido for your spouse and you tell them that their withholding of sex is the cause of all the problems (when in fact its just a symptom) than I would argue that maybe YOU are the abusive one.

Taking a long hard and honest look at sexual compatibility prior to marriage is just as important as discussing finances and whether you want children. And fostering an ongoing and healthy conversation about those aspects of your life and not letting resentment build is responsible stewardship of a relationship. The PP seems to have done that. [b]You seem to want to say that if she had married the guy and then cheated on him then she would be in the right because he was abusive.[/b] In reality, he seems to have been himself, lower libido and not super comfortable discussing it. She realized they were incompatible and ended the relationship (with a child involved so couldn't have been an easy decision but she still made the right and responsible one). She didn't justify cheating. [/quote]

Where the hell did you get that from?  Your post is one long speculation about things that weren't actually said.  Her point was very clear and succinct.  You can ramble on all you want but you have yet to refute her actual point.

As for your point about "taking a long hard and honest look at sexual compatibility prior to marriage"; that all sounds great on paper, but hard to apply in the real world.  I remember having no complaints about my sex life when my DW and I were dating.  It wasn't until long after we'd been married that things got out of whack.  I take ownership of my own role in that, but it doesn't change how hard it is and I'm not about to divorce her over it.  If I'd read what you wrote back then I'd say that "hell, we fuck like rabbits now, what could possibly go wrong?"  People change, marriages change, life happens.  It doesn't change the basic truth that if you make unilateral decisions in a marriage that's your right as a free man or woman, but you should expect consequences for your actions.  That applies to cheating and to starving your spouse of sex and/or affection.[/quote]

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