Reply to How do you deal with a situation that is affecting you but its really none of your business?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My two cents:
1) The issues you are describing with the boys aren't about weight, or video games, or food choices. They are about uncontrolled bad behavior in kids who are old enough to have far more self control. If they are truly hitting their mother, screaming, etc. as you describe, then that's the problem, not the other things you identified earlier. 
2) It sounds like you've tried, and now the only action is left to you, and its a decision: do you 1) cut the entire family out to preserve your sanity, harming your relationship with your nieces along the way, 2) cut out the boys/mother and risk making your nieces' lives with their new brothers even harder, or 3) take a new attitude toward the boys -- placate where possible to keep peace -- in order to keep your relationship with the family.

If it were me, I'd be looking mostly at 3, but maybe 2 as well.

Good luck.
 [/quote]

Thank you. I guess, from the comments I have gotten should not be concerned over the boys health but I cannot help it. I feel such sadness for them. They do hit their mother and throw things and scream and cry [b]because they know she will immediately give in.[/b]

We are trying #3 right now. As I said DH and BIL are going to try a poker night and more "guy" things with them. I've resigned myself to them eating and doing what they want instead of participating with the family. I am going to try to get them to actually talk to me to see if I can get to know more about them and if there is any "in" to get them to try something different.[/quote]

pp who had a similar family situation here. the bolded makes me wonder how much you can empower her to push back against her little tyrants.[/quote]

I so badly want to talk to her about the situation but I worry that its not my place. They bully her, she placates them, they get left out because they are unyielding, she cries and gets upset at the person leaving them out... its like an endless circle. [/quote]

She's family now, and her lax parenting is harming these kids who are also family--you need not even get into their health, but how they fit in with the extended family. Maybe ask BIL if there is a way to approach her helpfully that she'd welcome?[/quote]

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