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[quote=Anonymous]I find this thread fascinating. It started off with a question about whether switching from public to private at middle school might result in the loss of friends due to public school parents being judgmental and changed over time to a series of posts listing why private schools (generally) are better than public schools (generally), with lots of "we value education more than they do" and "they're just jealous" thrown in. Just goes to show that the comparison/competition/judgment goes both ways. OP you will, at the new private school, encounter people who cannot fathom that anyone would ever send their child to any public school for any reason ("I know public schools are just awful, with horrible teachers, huge classes, and disruptive kids, even though we have never actually been in one!"), the same as there are some public school parents whose view is that sending children to private school is an elitist abandonment of the public good ("I know all of those rich people don't want to be part of the real world, are racist, and their kids all have drug problems even though I have never met any of them"). It's all noise. Ignore it. Here is what has worked over the years for us as various families have made different choices:

(1) There will be some natural falling off -- kids meet new people at the new school, get involved in new activities, your routines change and you don't see the same people on a daily basis. It's a natural part of life and happens even without school changes, but it is much more pronounced with a school change. Do not take it personally or imagine reasons behind it. Making an effort to stay in touch and get together every now and again helps a lot. Find a spot in your schedule and reach out for coffee/a drink/an event/a walk. You might see some of those relationships grow. You might see some fade away. But it won't really be about school choices, it will just be about life in general. We have a group of friends from when the kids were all in preschool - we have gone to different public and private schools over the years but have managed to stay close by doing this. It ebbs and flows.

(2) Remind yourself that everyone makes different choices and give people the benefit of believing that they make the right choices for their families. It is the kindness that you want people to give to you, so please give it to them. Please, for the love of g-d, never say "we value education more than you" to any of your friends who choose public schools. Education has many different aspects. For example, we have friends that chose public over private because they wanted to spend the money that they might have spent on private school to travel the world with their kids for a year -- a fantastic educational experience that they otherwise could not have done. They didn't choose public because they didn't value education as much as the parents who chose private, they highly value education - just value it in a different way. They didn't advertise the reasons for their choice, they just chose. When another friend at the time making the private school choice essentially said to them that their choice to be in public middle school showed that they didn't value education ("I could never put my kid in that school. I value education very highly. Do you not care about your kids' education?") - it killed the friendship. The only thing to say about someone else's choice is "that's great" and then move on to other stuff (do you believe they are so old? when do they get their class assignments? are they excited? or hey have you seen that new movie?).

(3) Remember that the school choice conversation will eventually end once school is underway and life gets hectic. Initially there might be questions - particularly from people you don't know as well. As the PP above said "we like the school" is great so is "it was the right decision for us". That and a pleasant smile is really all you need. Redirect the conversation to other things. I have also found that "isn't it great that there are so many good choices here that we can all do what works best for our families" works pretty well.

(4) Celebrate each others' kids accomplishments and be supportive. We go to our friends' fundraisers/talent shows/school plays when we can and they come to ours. We are supportive of each other and are genuinely happy to see our friends' kids be successful regardless of where they go to school. We can all recognize the good in all of our respective schools without denigrating our own. When we resist the urge to justify our own choices by classifying everyone else's choices as inferior, life is a lot better.

Good luck.

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