Reply to Regretting taking the mommy track

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Reply to "Regretting taking the mommy track"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Sigh. I am going to give it to you straight even though you should know better. The legal industry is a mess and people are either getting laid off or finding their careers completely stagnant. Knowing this, with a two attorney household, you should expect that your husband's ability to be a super duper earner is shaky at best.

And don't pretend your earning ability is rock solid either. Your decision to mommy track yourself wasn't a but for event. You were just as unlikely to make partner or be a big shot as he was.

But that's neither here nor there. What the problem is -- you have an expectation that because you mommy tracked yourself and sacrificed your "Greatness," your DH better be a crazy success. That's not only unreasonable, it's stupid because of the reasons I put above. The legal industry is a mess and making big bucks without connections (and I mean hella connections) is a game of lotto.

I am going to guess you have spent years fuming about your wasted potential. And I am going to guess that you are incredibly resentful of your DH because if you weren't running everything at home, you would have been that success story he isn't.

You need to take responsibility of your own future. You need to let go of the resentment and really be a partner.

Your DH also needs to get his head out of his ass. He's probably depressed because he's not the success he was expected to be. He's probably under an incredible amount of pressure and that is a big reason men disengage. No one wants to feel like a loser. They don't want to face the reality so they pull away. And we make it easy for them by pushing them right out the door (you already have a foot out, OP. Honey, take a breath and check yourself before jumping into single parenting land). 
 
Therapy, OP. For yourself first to deal with resentment. And for your DH separately to deal with his failure to be the success he probably desperately wants to be. And together to see if you two can reconnect and let go of what things "should be" and build on what things are.
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Ditto.  This is really great advice.  I know it's hard to hear OP, but please take this advice to heart. FWiW- I'm a DW and a lawyer.  PP is dead on.  [/quote]

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