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[quote=Anonymous]OP, I had unexplained infertility and my husband, who drank (and still drinks) a lot had no issues from a sperm count / motility / morphology perspective.  Nevertheless, the RE suggested that we both cut down on all alcohol during my IVF cycles as there's some research that suggests that even limited amounts of alcohol can affect chances of success.

And my husband obliged but very grudgingly ... and I still believe he snuck alcohol throughout the cycle and was just dishonest about it.  He refused to go to counseling, he denied he had a problem (it was MY problem; I was the one who couldn't get pregnant).  He loved the booze more than anything else.

And yes, before infertility I would have said that we had a "wonderful life" together but infertility was a test of our marriage and his commitments - and mine - to getting through the tough stuff.  I have to say in retrospect that the way my husband handled it and the lack of support and willingness on his part to back off the sauce for a while should have been a gigantic red flag for the way he'd handle the other tough stuff that came our way down the road.  Not surprisingly, he still drinks a ton and is not a terribly engaged parent and cannot deal with even the remotest hardship or sacrifice.  He doesn't want to deal with the tough stuff and resents any infringement on his personal time (which, when you have kids, is a daily reality).  When the kids are sick, he's AWOL.  When he has a tough day at work, he comes home and barricades himself downstairs and drinks.  He hates his life.  He loves his booze.

Press pause on treatments and baby making for now.  Figure out who you're married to - and what you both really want from life.  He sounds like he's checking a lot of boxes because they're the "adult choice" and not because he's actually committed to them ... and maybe that's why he drinks a lot - who knows?!  But you both need counseling right now.  Both of you - you need support.  [/quote]

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