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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Okay, here is a quick update from the OP. After reading your responses, I told my husband that he needs to decide whether he wants to stay with me and stop drinking, or whether he wants to leave and pursue a separate life. He wants to stay, and has vowed to not drink for a year. So that is good. But there was some pushback... he doesn't think he has a problem, he said he's not sure if he even wants kids (not sure if he's serious or if he's just saying this to hurt me), he said that he's staying because it's the obvious adult choice but he feels backed into a corner by the ultimatum. He said he would go to counseling but sounded unhappy about it. I may have made a mistake by giving him an ultimatum but I'm not sure what else I should've done... it seems to me that the only choices are to stay together without drinking, or to split up. This "only drinking on the weekend when the wifey says I can" middle-ground is really not working.

So best case scenario is that he doesn't drink for a year, realizes that he's better off not drinking, and we can go on and have kids after that year is over. Worst case scenario is that he resents me, starts drinking in private, etc.

To the person who asked if we have much to talk about... when we first met 15 years ago we had so much fun, had a ton to talk about, everything was so fresh and new. But at this point we have enough to make it through an hour or two of conversation at night and that's about it. I don't really view it as a problem... we both have pretty boring, technical jobs that aren't fun to talk about, we talk about current events a little bit, but not much else otherwise. I think that may be normal after you've been together for a while, but I'm not really sure. [/quote]

He sounds like he may also be panicking at the thought of losing his booze and is lashing out (I don't want kids, I'm only staying because I have to, etc.). None of which may be true, but he feels cornered right now and hates you for making him choose between his addiction and the rest of his life. I'm sure he feels very threatened and controlled right now, so take what he says with a grain of salt. Alcohol may be the most important thing to him right now because of his problem...or maybe you really are married to someone who doesn't want kids and is ambivalent about the marriage (or maybe both). It sounds more like the former given your other posts, but treatment (if he'll participate) will let you know. I'm so sorry, OP. Best wishes.

PS - killing a bottle of whiskey in 2-3 days is definitely not in the realm of normal male drinking. Not even close. And a 6-pack of high-proof beer is a LOT of alcohol. He probably thinks beer seems more innocuous, but clearly you know the difference between a few Miller Lites and what he's drinking.[/quote]

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