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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP--I hope things have improved for you since this thread. Your post really struck a chord with me, too. DH and I have been going through this low sex/no sex thing for years. He complains about the lack of sex and I become less and less interested. [b]Honestly, all the sex I feel like I sort of got pressured into since basically losing my sex drive only makes me feel resentful and therefore even less hopeful of ever being attracted to DH again.[/b] I don't think he realized how the pressuring was making me feel, I think he instead thought he was just having to work a little harder to get some sex.... but still.

We have had two or three nice/helpful conversations about this and probably 200 that have only added to my negative feelings. So at a loss at this point. At least it helps to know others are going through it, too. [/quote]

My wife felt pressured too. Not sure I was handling it entirely correctly, but if I hadn't done the things that were perceived as pressure, the sex wouldn't have happened anyway. It's not like I was being a dick about it - demanding sex. I asked. I tried nonverbal initiations. I tried initiating more. I tried initiating less. I tried initiating during the day. I tried doing more chores. I tried date nights. I tried massages with no strings attached. I tried having conversations about how not having sex made me feel. Nada. And, before that, waiting around for her to be in the mood absolutely wasn't succeeding.

If the high drive spouse tries to have sex, it's pressure. If the high drive sex doesn't try to have sex, it doesn't happen. Pick your poison.

Right now, I'm back to a variant of "wait around until it occurs to her that sex is something married people should do" -- we've had sex once in the last five weeks. [/quote]

You are much more patient than I am. When I want sex, I tell my husband to turn the TV off and come upstairs.  I wouldn't let him go a week without it; otherwise, why stay monogamous?[/quote]

If you had a low drive spouse you'd understand.  I simply can't demand sex from my husband.  He won't get hard.   I have to walk on eggshells around sex and about sex.  If it comes up and I offend him he will make a nightmare out of it and yell at me.  It is quite a predicament.  Besides sex, I'm happy but something tells me the sex life is an indicator of the relationship.  Not sure I buy that we have such a great marriage.  [/quote]

If I were you, I'd say, "I want sex as part of my life. Are you willing to go to the doctor to find out why you can't get hard? Are you willing to please me with your fingers or lips in the meantime?" If you can't say that, you need to find someone else or get an industrial strength vibrator.[/quote]

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