Reply to Punishing your child by not letting them a birthday party last minute

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here.Thanks for the array of opinions. I intentionally had a small party because I am tired of huge parties and I don't let my kids have medium-sized parties that tend to get discussed at school and result in hurt feelings. I am not fixated on this one family and my child has countless friends--if I had known this child would cancel due to something other than illness, I would have encouraged her to invite someone else. In fact, I ended up inviting a "replacement" who was happy to come (a neighbor who is younger and did not clue into the late invite anyway).

My argument about withholding the party as encouraging your child to believe the world revolves around her is that it fosters a belief that birthday parties are just for the guests' entertainment. I think they are to celebrate the birthday child, and I try to relay this to my kids. If you say you will go, you go. You buy a gift you think the kid will like and then you go have a good time helping that kid celebrate. It's not an event that is just being thrown for your entertainment that you or your parent can decide on a whim not to attend (as I see it), but rather someone else's special event that you were invited to attend. This is how I feel about weddings, too. You don't pull out at the last minute. I don't think my children are the center of the universe, and this was a very low-key party (at home, tea party, grocery store cupcakes, no planned games), but I do disagree with using our invitation/special event as a discipline tool when so many are available. I realize that my values may differ with some on this site (and I do honestly greatly appreciate your points of view), but this really conflicted with mine (reliability is very important to me).

All in all, my child did not seem to care too much about the other child's absence. I was the one who was offended and I posted here because it bothered me and I wanted to avoid the temptation to vent to friends who know the family who skipped because I don't want to gossip about it. Thanks for discussing.  [/quote]

OP, you just compared your child's 3 person birthday party to a wedding. This mentality is why you're getting piled on.[/quote]

A) That's called an analogy and was aimed at getting across that a birthday party is like a wedding in that it is not primarily about the guests, and I am trying to teach my kids that. I do not teach my children that the world is out there for their entertainment and they can just dip in as they see fit when the event is about someone else and they have committed to attend. Obviously a child's small tea party is not nearly as important as a wedding; the analogy was about who the event is about, not it's importance.

B) As I also explained, my DH and I emphasize reliability as an important value. Keeping your word, including by not flaking on events, is something we strive to do. I keep my word with my kids and we model that behavior with regard to family events, and I see them keeping their word and commitments and I am proud of that. I think that many people are pretty flakey these days, especially now that you can just text and say "oh sorry, we're not coming!" and this cultural shift is not something I or my kids will be embracing if I have anything to do with it. I think this is a key showing of respect for others. I am also always on time. Call me uptight, but my friends and colleagues appreciate these traits. [/quote]

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