Reply to how much to give as present for bar mitzvah?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Because money is what's given, PP. The money is put into an account for college- the 13 yr old isn't going on a shopping spree or anything immediate.[/quote]
Gift grab
As a standard rule it is rude to inquire how much a gift cost, so money is not a nice gift. As it is a friends child, an this obviously not a culture or custom you are engrossed in, I think you could follow the more elegant custom of giving a present.
A child might remember who gave what gift, but not who gave what amount.[/quote]

Wow, you clearly have no concept of how bar/bat mitzvahs work. You give money. As the PP said, it goes into an account for college.  You are helping celebrate this child becoming a man/woman and helping pay for their education (even in a small way) which is a major value in Judaism. Please don't impose your own cultural values (money is not a nice gift) on someone else's tradition.[/quote]

If you don't want the cultural values of others imposed, then you shouldn't invite anyone from outside of the jewish faith to the event.  I personally find giving cash to be extremely tacky as do many. [/quote]

The cultural value which supports giving cash/checks is to set someone up for the future.  The Bnei Mitzvah gift is different than other birthday gifts, in that it is used for the future.

In my DD's case, the gifts ranged from 2K (grandparent) to much less.  The mean cash gift was 180, but was skewed by a few large gifts.  The median was $100.  Let me make it clear, this was not a money grab.  We spent a lot more than the presents.  But, the money will pay for part of DD's first semester in college.

As for what is appropriate: you give what you want.  [/quote]

You do realize that not all Jewish people agree with you. You preferred money. We get it. And while this might be the most common gift (and the easiest) others prefer to give other types of gifts. My DS got a mix of things and I definitely can't tell you the median amount of the cash gifts. Who calculates this? People gave what they gave, everything was appreciated, and lovely thank you notes were written. Some of DS's classmates did not bring a gift and no one cared. My DS was happy that kids from school came to his party. 
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