Reply to What's the Point of Chasing Marriage and Kids, Really?!

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Reply to "What's the Point of Chasing Marriage and Kids, Really?!"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm a 36 year old woman. I don't have kids and don't want kids. I'd like a long-term relationship but don't particularly care if it includes marriage or not. There may not be many of us, but we exist. [/quote]

It seems like there are many people here making us out to be strange creatures walking around with emotional issues that would prevent intimacy.

I posed the question because I thought I was somehow setting myself up to miss out on the 'greener grass.' That's obviously not the case and so far it seems there are three types out there:

1. Those like you (potentially us) who can happily live without NEEDING to marry or have kids.

2. Those who think marriage and parenting are the gold standard for relationships and being family oriented, respectively; any deviation is a social mutation.

3. Those (like me) who are mentally and emotionally ambivalent; I don't NEED kids to feel complete/happy, but would only do it makes the woman I am in love with happy.

So number 3 highlights the 'trouble' because I am not sure if I will have regrets when the challenging times set in, or will suddenly want more after the first pregnancy. It is a very serious risk to take, so safe bet to avoid and say "not for me" altogether.

So for persons who have done parenting, did you do it because you/your relationship felt incomplete without it, or were you like number 3 going in?

That's my purpose for starting this thread, not to be told I am some social mutation because of my disposition.

Thanks. [/quote]

I'm a 50 + woman. I never wanted to get married, really. I certainly never wanted children. I thought they were too much work, too much money, too much time. I didn't want to cut into my freedom and fun.  But my husband really, really wanted them, so after more than 10 years of marriage we started trying to have a child.
 
It took awhile, but we did have a child in our 40s -- and he turned out to have a disability. So definitely time, money, and work.  And our freedom and fun have been curtailed. That being said, it has still been probably the most moving and important experience in my life. It's a gift to actually have to put yourself second, think of others first, do things you normally wouldn't want to do. Our child is so fun, and funny, and kind. It would be so much of a lesser life never having known him.

I also truly enjoy being married. We really enjoy each other and have each other's backs. We are each other's cheerleaders. I also hated dating, so it's great not to have to keep starting over. That may be fun in your mid 30s, but it's a different story in your mid 50s.

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