Reply to Why so much hate for the OW?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Wait until it happens to you.  No one is letting DH off the hook, but you are delusional if you think the OW gets a free pass.

I think people would like to say this only happens in bad marriages, to the long suffering sex deprived husband.  that's not true.  In the case of my close friend, the husband was so aroused by his affair partner, they (the married couple) had sex MORE.  I've heard other spouses say that having sex with their own spouse felt like cheating on the OW, so intimacy decreased.

If your marriage had problems (all do) an affair will trump those - if you were circling the drain before the affair, the affair will likely be a non-recoverable event.

It's sad.  Finish your business before you get involved.  It's not that hard.[/quote]

I think this happens in all kinds of marriages. I personally think that when it happens in marriages that are otherwise healthy (rather than sexless, emotionally closed off ones that are often described on this site), it's more indicative of a personality defect in the cheating spouse. When it's the long suffering sexless marriage, I think it's more likely to be the result of the cheating spouse being deeply unhappy, rather than a sociopath. I also think there is a difference between one emotional/physical affair and a series of one night stands.

But that's just me. I know that others will say "a cheater is a cheater" and respect their feelings. I just think that there are always levels of nuance and it's pretty naive to just label everyone who has ever cheated a sociopath without getting any other details.[/quote]

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