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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I can't believe all the hate on this post. I am not from a military family or background but I think you have every right to feel aggrieved that your BIL didn't help while your husband was deployed. And it would bug the heck out of me to find someone like that at my house all the time now. I don't know why people are accusing you of being entitled or wanting your BIL to raise your kids. Everyone needs an extra set of hands on occasion, and it is disappointing if a family members offers but then never comes through - even worse if you're dealing with a months' long absence from your spouse and your kids' dad while he is in harms way.

At the same time, as sympathetic as I am OP, I do think you need to find a way to get beyond it. Set some limits on BIL's time at your house; get him out of your will as the kids' guardians, whatever. But don't let it fester and make you crazy. I had a crazy sudden health condition last year. It was terrifying, since it involved my brain, and it kept me from doing a lot of normal things (like driving) for months. And it sort of amazed me that none of my friends - some of whom I'd known my whole life - bothered to do a thing for me, like offer a ride for my kids or drop off a meal. I'd done the same in lesser instances for all of them. It really truly bothered me for a long time. But I've had to just move beyond it. I won't forget that they were a little self-involved at my time of need, but they are still people I care about, and life has to go on too. I think sometimes when people see you managing through a crisis without too much drama, it's easy to opt out of making an extra effort. Your BIL may have just rationalized that you were doing fine. Or he may truly be an awful jerk. But either way, you'll have to be around him at least occasionally, and you don't want to waste your reunited family time by being angry.[/quote]

Yeah, things like that can be a wake up call.  But these things can also help you to think ahead and have your ducks in a row if anything like that ever happens again...[/quote]

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