Reply to How to approach a friend in total denial

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[quote=Anonymous]OP,  I totally get that you're coming from a place of love and concern, and empathy for all that they are going through. I also agree that the toll on the marriage and the younger child is horrible--its unfair when any one person in the family drowns out all the needs of everyone else. Part of being a parent is making horrible, difficult choices in the best interests of your kids. You might take that to mean "do everything humanly possible to save the older kid by re-arranging everyone's entire life around it"--which is what has happened, it sounds (mom quit job, dad is a shell, younger sibling a hot mess now too), but I take it to mean "what is in the best interest of this family over all?". And to me, the only thing worse than never being able to help one child, is not helping one and actively harming the other through neglect and exposure to a horrendous situation.

but anyway. I think the key point here is that the parents have not tried everything--they have tried things that haven't worked. They have mentioned on and off residential programs but have not pulled the trigger. OP is not sure why, but guesses its both $ and guilt.

OP, the best you can do is be super supportive, protect the younger one as much as possible, and draw out your friend on the issues of residential. I for one would be willing to say to someone I loved "I love you and its heartbreaking to see your family being slowly destroyed by your son's mental illness. I know you are the most loving committed parent you can be, and so the idea of residential treatment may be untenable, but I hope we can have a conversation about it. Do you think it might be a good option? Have you spoken with X's doctors about it? If I can do anything to help, include research options, I will."

and then, take that younger kid out of there as much as possible. [/quote]

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