Reply to S/O what kind of woman neglects the physical and emotional needs of her spouse

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Reply to "S/O what kind of woman neglects the physical and emotional needs of her spouse"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I was responding to specific posts, on any of the however many threads that are active about this topic right now, that specifically say that people (usually wives) should have sex more often than they want to and put their partner's need to have sex over [b]their desire not to do that[/b]. I cannot get past the coercive nature of this. I have been in this situation, and I often felt pressured or coerced. I do not ever want to feel that way again. There are also specific posts saying that sex is a thing that is "owed" - not that sex is a crucial part of a healthy marriage, but that it is a thing that is owed in a particular quantity, and that a spouse who is unwilling to provide the sex in the quantity required is being selfish. I cannot get past the manipulation there either. There are other ways to frame these ideas than the language of coercion and manipulation. Posters on this topic on DCUM today have chosen the language of coercion and manipulation willfully and repeatedly. I don't know if any of them are you or not.[/quote]

I have 2 points/questions to make about this post:

1) You are saying however often the wife wants sex, regardless of how infrequent, that is it and anything beyond that level is pressure/coercion. What if the the couple (wisely) began having sex before marriage, established a mutually compatible frequency, which continues on into marriage and several years beyond. Then, many years down the road, perhaps after a few kids, the wife now decides that's just too much sex and suddenly she only "wants it" 1/10 as often. Is this reduction OK? Can I make a similar 90% reduction in how I meet one of your important needs?

2) Does this "only as often as I want it" extend to other needs too? For example, let's say that you (like many women) want to share details about your day with me.. pretty much every single day. But I (deep down) only [u]want to[/u] "hear about your day" at most once per month. So are you cool with me putting on headphones each time you approach, except for the 1X per month when I [u]really want to[/u] hear about it?[/quote]

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