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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, here's my take.

SD tells you (and probably DH) that she doesn't want you two having kids.
You get preg then miscarry (and tell her?  Why even tell her?)
She is furious at you, your DH, the world and acts out.

For the 2 years she's been a bitch, her dad probably was telling her that it's not up to her whether you two have another kid and that she doesn't get to decide.  That's probably why she was pissy for that long.  She was probably mad that she wasn't getting her way (even though in actuality she was - she didn't know it because your DH was adult enough to not include her in your marital decisions).  And that might explain why DH didn't really go after her for her behavior.  Maybe he was cutting her some slack because he knew what he told her.

At the same time, he was probably hurting about the m/c as well.  I know my DH questioned having a kid after my m/c.  He hated seeing me in pain and was basically like, "that's it.  it's not worth it.  The pain isn't worth it."  Maybe THAT is why your DH backed off of having a kid.  If he was on the fence to begin with, watching someone you love suffer would surely push you over the other side.

Once he talked it over with you and told you his feelings, he (appropriately) then shared with his daughter.  Now, she's all happy.

This might not give you advice on how to deal with your SD like you were asking for, but it's just another perspective that may help you look at your DH in a better light as well as cut your SD some slack, too.  Maybe understand that while she was a bitch for 2 years, maybe her Dad was putting her in her place without you knowing about it and she was lashing out.  I dunno, just a thought.[/quote]

thanks for your perspective. It helps a lot.

He told her about the miscarriage  - it was a pretty ugly event. I bled everywhere (it was very heavy bleeding, I'm not sure if that's usual or not). I am almost completely blind without my contacts (this happened overnight). I'd had some light spotting but woke up to a wet bed. At first, because I was deep asleep, I thought it was pee. I left a trail of blood from bedroom to basement to get towels, to bathroom back to bedroom to get my husband. She saw the blood. It just was how it happened. If it hadn't happened that way, if I'd had a chance to clean, if anything else had happened, maybe she'd have never known.[/quote]

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