Reply to Tough situation with stepdaughter

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP what do you see in this man? Is he rich?[/quote]

Maybe you're being snarky, but I will answer: no he's not rich. He went through a tough divorce, which is a financial strain on almost everyone who goes through it. I made some wise investments early on, have a great career and would be 100% fine on my own.

What do I see in him? I love him. It's hard to explain love. He's got plenty of faults and so do I. But i can't imagine not being in his life.[/quote]

I was being serious. 
He is not parenting or involved with his current child.
He lied to you about wanting a child.
He let's his kid treat you like crap.
He is hands off as a parent.
He refuses marriage counselling.

Truly wondering what good there is there?[/quote]

Thanks for clarifying that you're serious. He is hands off - I hope this doesn't offend other Scandinavians, but he's from a pretty small town in Norway and the way he was raised and the way he approaches parenting is to be hands off. He is involved in certain ways - he cares about her academics, etc, but her mom is more the one to take care of behavioral things. She was her primary custodian for many years - from 4 to 14 - and I guess a certain pattern was established.

Did he lie about wanting a child? I struggle with that. I'd like to think he didn't. He says that when I was pregnant he experienced a lot of anxiety about going through the early years (his first  marriage got bad when his daughter was an infant - I don't mean that she is responsible for the divorce, obviously, but parenting a young child was tough for them because their marriage was bad at the same time). Anyway, I do think he strung me along about trying again. No doubt about that. He saw how sad I was after losing the child and I think he was trying to convince himself the whole time that he actually had the energy and desire to be a father to another kid.

The refusing counseling - again, I don't know. I don't want to say it is purely cultural. He's just convinced that he and I are more equipped to talk things out together than we are to involve a therapist. And to his credit, he has been pretty good about talking about it.

And the bottom line is that I really do love him. [/quote]

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