Reply to I asked DH for reassuring words and he flipped out

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP:  some interesting points.  Some really good. Some whacked.  First,  how does a needy person say don't come home - I need some time alone.  Second.  The conjecture that this was even a spat is completely off.  I said it wasn't. I said I just listened.  Third. That somehow this has been chronic blaming and complaining is way off.  I said we had been having problems.  I also said Ive asked for reassurance before but not every day. Not every hour.  Not even every month.  Fourth, he goes off on this unrelated rage that I'm calling him names, like a piece of crap. It was completely out of touch with reality and the moment, and out of time, which was calm, except for his rant.  Fifth,  he wasn't out of town working.  He's semi retired.  Sixth,  I was interested if anyone else saw strangeness in this incident because there are many more like this - where I say something and he responds with things that seem to beg an argument.  Yes tonight I had exceeded limit of bizarre behavior and I grabbed a recent moment, not the best example.  However,  I think a reasonable response from my husband might have been I really understand but I'm too tired, too stressed, don't understand, can we talk later whatever.  Seventh, the relationship rough spot because he has been seeing someone else, but won't leave me and says he wants to work it out.  I know his affair is my fault too, so save it.  There are no property issues that prevent a divorce, and I would rather have a life than stuff.  I am independent in my career.. I will not continue about what I perceive as abusive because I don't think I could stand to defend acts and hear to the idea that it's okay to be treated like that.

I've vented to friends, who are biasedly supportive and don't really like DH and think he treats me badly.  I was interested in alternative views.  That's what happened here so I have some things to think about.

Lastly, I wouldn't be so flippant if someone says  something about abuse unless you get more information.  I know this isnt a professional hotline, but many posters seem like intelligent people who give answers which have been given some thought.  when the next wife starts posting about the crazy making stunts DH pulls, don't assume so much.
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Your thinking is so distorted, I don't know where to start. You complained about a "hang nail" sized problem in your relationship when you've really got a "cancer."   Leaving out the fact he's cheating is huge.   Someone else cheating is never your fault.  Why would you think it is?   Very distorted thinking his apathy is abuse. His cheating is emotional abuse though.  You really should get therapy to work through all this.  I'm not trying to pick on you. I'm trying to underscore that when your thinking is this off-base, you are putting yourself through more pain than you have to go through.  [/quote]

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