Reply to Some people just don't understand the sacrifices required to be a parent...

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[quote=Anonymous]Hi all to summarize and try to reword my points, it's a big issue to me nowadays that parents are putting their needs in front of their kid's.  As others mentioned I see friends that go out on weekend excursions or out of the country and have others take care of their kids.  Most of these folks would be considered in the richer class.

So when I hear something like what happened with the wine tasting couple it really doesn't surprise me.

I also see people that put their careers and education (and their own needs in general) ahead of their children.  And my wife was like that as well.  For the reasons mentioned and I know some of it is my fault.

And the overall point is if all of that income worth it at the sacrifice of raising a family.  It is nice to not have to worry about money.  But at the same time, something like eating together at dinner is a big deal to me.  And while it's not that big of a deal as it was in the past, I still do look at the time when she comes home everyday.  And to correct some of your points, I wouldn't mind heating up the dinner if she came home in time to eat with the family.  Although it is frustrating in trying to get dinner ready with two kids vying for your attention.

And as mentioned we can get by on one income.  Where I calculated it and I could handle all of the expenses without her but the money would be tight.  Which is why I think that we would be okay without her from a physical and financial standpoint.  The issue is the psychological and emotional side.  Where the older kid often asks when mom is coming home and the younger one is at the age at starting to recognize people.

And with all of the effort that she put into her career and degree I haven't really seen it pay off yet or benefit our family.  Yeah she makes decent money.  But our finances are separate and what is required doesn't make up for it.  In addition to her job isn't stable, which is another reason that she is looking for another job.

When I'm not mad at her I tend to be supportive of her and her job search.  Where we even talked about her rebooting her career and starting in the beginning again(her idea not mine).  Such as programs geared for people with her degree but might be internships or not paid(my idea).  And I've suggested against low paying deadend jobs which she has also considered.  I post on some other threads in here how it's not easy to find a job because I know from watching her go through it.

And it might be okay to work those type of jobs and live that type of life but the lifestyle better be worth it.  ie our kids better reap the benefits in it by going to the best schools and get the best stuff.  But to be honest, as mentioned I've seen how some rich people and would rather live a more simple life with a strong family presence.  (no offense to anyone who values the other way around)

Then to top it all off is the assumptions that the mother is the primary caregiver at home.  Where you get comments like, "Are you helping your wife"  And this is the first time outside of the home that I mentioned what I feel like is going on.  My own family used to say that too but eventually saw who was doing all of the work and mentioned it to her as well.  And I've come really close to telling people what I think but always hold back.  Like seriously I have a coworker who made a big show about how I'd have to watch our kid for an entire day when daycare was closed.  And I told him it was no different then how I normally watch our kid on any other day but I think that he still didn't get it.  Although I think he started to get it a little bit more now that I'm a little bit more open on my personal life more recently.  But as mentioned, at my job it's mostly the wives that stay at home and raise the kids and is probably why I sometimes do wish for that lifestyle.  So I don't think that they understand the mentality of the dad taking care of the kids.

But honestly none of the above really matters as much nowadays.  I am resentful when she doesn't come home on time and have had lingering issues.  But I know she tries and that due to the instability at her job she has to put in the effort at work.

We had issues from the start and it's hard for me to let things go.  So the other day something triggered the memories of that and the thoughts festered in my head.  Then combined with another issue the other night where we were arguing back and forth provided an opportunity to let out all of the issues that built up.

I think I own up to my own actions in admitting my part in our child not being fed and also for continuing the relationship.  There have been several times where each of us have tried to end it.

Am I controling?  Yes she mentioned that.  As well as her classmate about her husband who I point out as the only couple from that social circle from high school that has a successful life(in my point of view).  But I see it as knowing what I want in life and a lot of times I end up being proven right.  And like I said I think it comes down to different values and backgrounds.

As things stand now, I guess things are a bit better.  I tried making a peace offer earlier today but we got into again because I refuse to say that I am wrong in any of my opinions or views.  There have also been other comments that she had made that I used to let slide for the sake of not arguing, which I also brought up the other night and won't let her think she got her way in saying them.

I think things may get better but we'll see.  The issues are there and since it's the past I don't think it'll ever go away.  This is why I didn't know what to post in the other thread where someone had a one night stand from someone from out of the country.  On the one hand I think the husband would like to know and as others mentioned the guilt would bother her.  But on the other hand, if the husband is anything like me I would never forget it and it will always bother me(I only read the first several pages of that thread).  Even if we get past it, if something triggers the memory in me, I will get mad about it and it will become an issue again.

I admit that I expected more sympathy when posting on this board.  I'll try to think about it but it is very hard for me to see or agree with the other point of view.  And thanks again for those that do sympathize.[/quote]

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