Reply to Vent. I'm a slave.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am feeling so resentful of my husband right now.  I feel like he's just another child in our family and I'm so sick of feeling that way.  Everytime he does something I ask him to do- like empty the dishwasher, clean up after dinner, etc. He just does such a half-assed and incomplete job that it ends up being easier for me to do it myself but then the anger just bubbles up and I feel so annoyed. Then when I try to bring it up to him, it sounds so petty.  I don't care that he doesn't do it my way. I know I'm type A and like things done a certain way. I've let go of that. I just want things done and he is a grown ass man.  For example, last night after dinner I asked him if he wanted to clean up from dinner or start a bath for our youngest daughter.  He chose clean up from dinner. I give DD a bath, get her in her pj's and put a show on for her before bed and go to the kitchen and the table still has crumbs and placemats all over, pots on stove. All he did was put the dishes in the dishwasher and walk away. So now I gave the bath AND I have to clean up the rest of dinner.  This is just time number 1000 that this has happened. When he empties the dishwasher he leaves a bunch of crap on the counter because he "wasn't sure where to put them". We've been in our house for a few years and if you aren't sure, just open the cabinets and see where they go! It's not fucking rocket science.  Our 7 year old can (and does) do it.

I feel like I do so many little things he doesn't even realize to make life easier for him- one small example is that after I take a shower I put the nice new dry one right next to the shower so that when he goes in it will be right there for him rather than having to walk to the other side of the bathroom and grab it.  Little things every day to make life smoother. No one ever does anything like that for me. I'm an afterthought.

The other night I didn't feel like cooking dinner and said do you want to go out. He didn't care and that's when it dawned on me that for him, every night is like a fucking restaurant! He comes to the table with dinner served and then gets up and walks away when he's done.  I do all the work.  
Yes I'm a SAHM but I am so tired of doing it all myself, especially when he does not currently have an especially demanding job.  He's home a ton and spends plenty of time on hobbies and such. I feel like an unappreciated slave. I expect this from my young kids, but not from him.
I'm so over it.
Thanks for listening to my vent.[/quote]

I am a man/dad with a wife who is a SAHM.  I value her contributions immensely.  We are a team.  Her job is just as important as mine, often times more exhausting.

I have to tell you that while I have some sympathy because your husband seems like a slob, this really is your job.  It is your job to have dinner ready (not saying that leftovers or something quick isn't totally appropriate).  Cleaning is your job as is laundry and other home duties.  While I am totally sympathetic to the fact that SAHM of infants don't have time for domestic duties (depending on the naps and temperment of kids) your kid is 7.  He is in school.  You have time to do all of this.

I usually help with dishes and bathtime for a host of reasons, but some days I am totally spent and need to chill (and some days my DW is totally spent and she needs to chill and I do both dishes and bath and bedtime).  But you also have multiple hours of no kids at home while they are in school, so you have breaks he doesn't.

Again, you definitely have a reason to vent, we all do from time to time, but your overall assessment of being put on for domestic tasks seems to be out of proportion to what you signed up for when you agreed to be a SAHM.  [/quote]

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