Reply to SAHMs: how do you balance time alone versus spouse's time alone

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][b]Wait, I just don't understand how the OP is the problem.  I don't even get the sense that she's complaining!  Her DH wants more time to himself, and he's right to want that, but she can want that, too.  It's not like watching a child all day is giving her "time to herself."
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I'm a SAHP but also used to work PT.  It was tough, and I feel for WOHPs.  But this attitude of hating on SAHPs is unfair.  I remember being stressed a lot when I was at work, but I also could take a 5-minute break.  I could go to the bathroom without someone screaming into the bathroom for me to come help with something.  I could go get a cup of coffee without worrying that something terrible was going to happen at my workstation while I got up to go get it.  I could chat with other adults for a moment in between working on projects.  It was stressful, but there were built-in break times -- things we need to recharge.

When you SAH, you don't ever have those break times.  No matter how well-behaved your kids are, they simple want as much as you can give all the time.  Maybe they nap -- or maybe they don't -- and then perhaps you have a short break.  Well, I wouldn't ask you to use your 15-minute coffee break to scrub the bathroom at work or vacuum around your desk, and it's not fair to assume a SAHP has the energy to run off and do these things the minute she/he finally gets a break.

Also, doing errands is important, but maybe the OP really wants to spend time with her kid -- doing things that are helping him/her develop and grow, not just running around town going to the post office and grocery store.  I personally think these things are valuable lessons, but I also  understand the hesitation to do them all the time, particularly if I'd like for a moment to peacefully think about what I want to make for dinners this week instead of just frantically throw things in the cart before a meltdown occurs.[/quote]

She's not actively complaining. But by trying to frame the issue that her husband isn't helping out at all and that she is so spent from her limited obligations to one toddler, thus suggesting she couldn't possibly give any more.... she's passive aggressively complaining. And you say that "she can want that too" -- but she has TONS of that! She gets to sleep in, have 2 hours of down time during nap time, hands the kid off to husband for a bit when he gets home from work, and then has 9:30-12:30 every night to herself. She also has 3pm onwards both weekend days. That's a ton of personal time. How can she want more???[/quote]

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