Reply to 11yo DD furious that we don't allow screens M-Th

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
Well, tough for your daughter. Your house, your rules.
I make stricter rules for my 10 year old. He knows whining about it will only annoy me, and that I'm not pleasant when annoyed.

[/quote]

Right, but what does that teach your kid? The fact that the person in charge makes rules which must be respected is an important lesson, of course, but what about other aspects?

Like learning why the rules are what they are, so he learns to set reasonable limits for himself.

Or developing autonomy to manage himself without the confines of strict rules.

Or learning negotiation and critical thinking skills -- if my kid has a valid reason for objecting to a rule and can articulate that in a logical and respectful way, I'm willing to at least hear her out and consider whether her points change my thinking about the rule.

Or fostering a respectful but open relationship, not one where the kid keeps quiet to avoid "unpleasantness" from annoyed parents. I get that there are times for a child to just keep his or her mouth shut, but I would want my kid to be able to talk to me if they found something at home completely unfair and grating. [/quote]

Yeah- it sounds like PP is more concerned with a kid that obeys rather than one who can function independently.  [/quote]

Don't be silly, of course my children trust and confide in me. However whining, begging or demanding is not tolerated in my house. 
I encourage them to present more persuasive and rational arguments, and those have won my 10 year old son the right, in theory, to play video games during the week. But only if he finishes his homework, his music, his chores, his native language homework, etc. 
He was the one who proposed this arrangement! 
By the time he's finished, he needs to relax and often prefers reading or playing with his sister. The secret is that I don't prohibit anything he wants to do, because that would breed resentment. I just make the prize hard to achieve, and that is my right as a parent. Sometimes on weekends he plays Minecraft with DH and DD, but then again, only after his work is done. I actually think it's a great game.

I see more and more parents giving in to their kids out of guilt that they're not child-centric enough and then feeling confused about where to draw the line. That's not teaching kids to be responsible.[/quote]

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