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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]As I write this, I am very hurt. I have ( or was) dating a guy for the past 7-8 weeks. Everything seemed to be okay, or so I thought. We have been doing "normal" couple things; it was great. I have even been a date for a family wedding. I thought we were on an awesome start to a long-lasting relationship. Then the shocker..I am over at his place, using his laptop, and I find a chat message with another woman. The conversation was right there as I opened the computer. Apparently he invited an FWB over to hook up. I also happened to be out of town.

I understand that we are early in the relationship but I am still hurt. He told me it was a bad judgement call and I am making too much of a bid deal out of nothing. We never had any exclusivity talk but we were both under the assumption that no other parties were in the picture. I have met all of his friends and majority of family. He introduced me as his girlfriend.

I am understandably upset and confused. On one hand, we never had any exclusivity talk, but who does these days? On the contrary, I don't know if I can be mad or constitute this as cheating if we aren't in a relationship. I had no reason to place distrust in him until this moment.

This is a vent but I would like opinions and thoughts on this. [/quote]

NP here and I haven't read the other replies yet.  Just wanted to say this happened to me…we were in law school, had a few false starts, then finally got together; time passed, I thought we were boyfriend/girlfriend, we had had sex…one night we're in a restaurant and I said something and he responded, "well you don't think we're in a relationship, do you? "  blah blah blah…

Look, OP, I'm not one to jump into anything and compared to most people, I've had very few relationships, so please believe me, we were clearly acting like a couple and this was a total surprise.

I broke it off; after a bit, he came back full of apologies and our "relationship" was formally established.

[b]There was a cycle to it:[/b]  we'd be in a phase, then not move forward in the relationship; I'd break it off, after a delay he'd come back begging or what have you and then we'd move forward in the relationship.  Then he'd start taking me for granted, I'd break it off…etc.  Every cycle ended with us being more deeply involved.

It was like being in an abusive relationship but without the physical abuse.  It was like neglectful abuse.  OMG I can still remember one time, maybe our last time, when I had broken up with him and one night he showed up and started sobbing, telling me how he loved me and how "he'd love me even when I was old" blah blah.  I went back to him and then…he would be indifferent again.

This culminated in us being broken up and, when the time came, he came to me begging me to tell him if he should take a job in (the city I was going to upon graduation) or NYC.  He wanted to know if there was any chance we could be together, if I still loved him, so he could take that into consideration.  I didn't want him to blow his career on the prospect of our rocky relationship, so I wouldn't tell him.  But I loved him and it was hard to not say anything.

He kept at it, asking me.  Finally I broke down.  I cried and begged him to come with me to (x city).  After he left, some time went by and I didn't see him.  I ran into him one day and asked him what he decided.  "oh, yeah.  I decided to go to New York."

That M-FKR.  He had just wanted to break me.  He got that, so he moved on.

OP, I don't think this behavior is thought out.  I think it operates on a very subconscious level.

So whatever you do, OP, if you get back with him, watch for this pattern.  It's very hard to get out of these kinds of relationships, but it's possible and then for the rest of your life, you are so thankful you dodged a bullet.  I know he's married now, and even though I've never met his wife, I know she's miserable, because he cannot function in a healthy way.[/quote]

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