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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]NP here. I don't think you're vile, OP, but I do think you and the distant cousin have mismatched expectations of your living arrangement.

It sounds like you think you are very generous with her, providing free room and board and extras in return for...well, nothing if you pay her extra to clean or babysit. Personally, I think that is where you went wrong. Why are you paying extra for those things? That should be the exchange part. But you didn't do that, for whatever reason. Maybe because she is family, I don't know. Anyway. You do seem to think that due to your generosity, she should be thoughtful and offer to help during your recovery.

This isn't particularly unreasonable, but it clearly isn't in line with cousin's expectations. She has a sweet situation, free room and board and additional payment for anything else she does. The only motivation she would have to offer to help you for free is if she felt some strong familial bond with you. Or if she recognized what a sweet deal she has with you and knows it would be the kind and moral thing to do to help out when she has been given much in exchange for nothing.

But that's not your situation. You all have set up a non-exchange system and you can't expect her to read your mind or offer free help when you have all been operating under a different arrangement.

If this is a long term arrangement, you all should probably have a clearer conversation about what you expect. GL[/quote]

Thanks PP. That's exactly where DH stands. We will talk as soon as she gets back from her trip. We added a line to our family plan so she could have a phone and it's time to start listing the benefits and ask what she expects, what her plans are for the new year, etc. I hope the conversation goes well. [/quote]

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