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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, coming from a dysfunctional family with lots of mental issues and jealousy AND with a "buffet" Christmas dinner--you have gotten some good advice from others.

If you still participate in this (and are maybe guilted into this), I would just: 
(1) get the time from MIL 
(2) plan to be there at least 30 minutes earlier than the time. Tell no one, except DH. Make him keep quiet.
(3)bring some additional food (like the ham, etc..)
(4) BOOM, problem solved.

MIL learns you are not reliable (and not going to be suckered in every year like she has done before) and you get to see who is there and when. Just try one year and see what happens. She is trusting you and DH to be dutiful and let her accomplish what she wants to: feeding others and shafting your DH and family. If you are going to continue to do this, play her game but better (and unpredictably.)

I would rather stay home, but realize that may not be possible for you for a host of dsyfunctional DH family reasons.[/quote]

Thank you, you get it.  This is what I was looking for - someone with a dysfunctional family (and someone who admits it!), who understands what I do not.  There are too many posters here with too much time on their hands.  Thank you for the helpful posts, no thank you for the not helpful ones.   Dh is not yet ready to admit how screwed up they are. [b] I suspect negative attention is better than no attention, in his book.[/b]  he seems a bit conditioned, sadly.

What kind of therapy did you look for, to be at peace with this kind of family?  I am at a loss, and appreciate your help.

[/quote]

I expect that's why he married you.  [/quote]

Why would you say that to someone who you don't know?  Do you have a job?  A life?  Anything?

[/quote]

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