Reply to Is a cheated-on spouse better off knowing or not knowing?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I used to think that it was selfish to not tell a spouse that you cheated, and that to not tell would mean you did not trust and had no remorse, regret, etc.. Now I am wondering if it is actually selfish to tell a spouse that you did cheat. If it really is about you feeling guilty and needing to make some attempt to salvage something honorable (truth) in a dishonorable act. But the more I think about it, the more I don't think the two cancel the other out.

Remember the scene in Dark Knight where the butler burns the letter to Batman? Would it really have made a difference for him to know what she was not in love with him and was choosing Harvey? Are some secrets better kept in true love for a person, instead of a painful truth?[/quote]

Hmm, I think cheating is a selfish act to begin with. How one chooses to share what they did, IMHO, is irrelevant. To answer the question I think, it depends on who is doing the telling, and who is doing the listening part of the confession. It has eaten me alive to keep something from my spouse. I would have to tell, eventually. Yes, that is selfish. But to keep them in the dark? Selfish too.

I think to a point- ignorance is bliss. Some things should go to the grave with us. This? Nah.

If better off means full trusting, free hearts, unicorns and rainbows, then the cheater has to tell the cheated so both can move on in honesty.
Otherwise, the skeletons may come out of the closet to play one day. Guess I couldn't handle that.

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