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[quote=Anonymous]OP - Let's apply the oxygen mask rule here. You and your husband are clearly both suffering. He's lashing out at you, you're clearly overwhelmed and have some kind of emotional/mental issue (not intended derisively - I have depression and suffered from moderate PPD as well). Men can also suffer from PPD - it just isn't well known.

So, for things to get better, you both have to put your oxygen masks on yourselves before things crash. You've made a great start - making an appointment with the counselor. Because of my own history with depression, what others see as "excuses" - work, a dismissive OB, fear of pregnancy, fear of condom failure - I see as clear markers of depression doing its work: making life seem so difficult and overwhelming that even solvable problems can seem insurmountable. As for making this about you - well yeah. It is about you - you have come out of your pregnancy with a pathological fear of getting pregnant again; you can barely get out of bed in the morning; the first efforts you made to get help (your OB and your husband) didn't go well - and you're a mess now. That's why you've got to put your oxygen mask on. Remember - these are solvable problems! Try to take them one at a time, rather than getting caught up in all of them at once.

The next step, that I see (and I'm not an expert, just trying to be understanding) is to ask your husband for just 2 things. Remember that these are requests; you are allowed to ask, but you can't make demands. He's allowed to say no. Ask him first to apply the "if you can't say anything nice" rule - stop calling you names, stop arguing about what does/doesn't cause PPD, etc... This may mean he is completely quiet a lot. Deal with it. And be quiet back (truly quiet - try to let go of resentment - remember, you can't help him or your marriage or your child until you're better). The second thing to ask him for is time; ask him if you can revisit the issue of divorce in a certain length of time. Say something like, "I know you feel our marriage is a mistake; I understand your reasons. Can we wait 2 months (or however long) then talk about it again?"

If he can give you some quiet and some time, then you'll have that pressure off of you, and you can focus on yourself.  If you start to feel better, then you can address the living as roommates issue - "I know you miss sex. Sex is hard for me because you said I am a bitch and am evil. It is also hard for me because I am afraid I will get pregnant again. I'm working on that fear. How can we get back to a good place sexually, even though it make take me some time?"

Your husband, on the other hand, is likely also in need of counseling and help; if you can, ask him to either come with you to your counselor in a few weeks, or ask him to see a doctor. Frame this as "This has been very hard on you, I know. Before we make any decisions, let's both try to talk to doctors or counselors about where we are. I know this will be hard for you. Would you try?"

I hope things improve, OP. [/quote]

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