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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Don't worry OP.  In 12 years your daughter and the bully will be driving in a nice stretch limo together on a double date to prom.  In a few decades they will be posting pictures on the latest iteration of Facebook in each other's weddings.  They won't even remember those Kindergarten days.[/quote]

OP I am giving you a somewhat "happy" ending to a bulling story.  My daughter was bullied in 3rd grade by a former friend (4 years ago). Since my daughter was older and was a good friend to a lot of other kids, she was able to handle the situation but for a month or so she came home and cried every day.   I made sure that the bully felt ramifications of her behavior too.  Honestly, the bully needs to learn boundaries and sometimes the parents aren't in position to teach them. My daughter was supposed to go to an event with the bully and another child together and I told my daughter that I was pulling her from that event because I had too much respect for my daughter to allow her to be treated that way by a "friend".  The third mom was supposed to take the three girls together and I did tell the third mom why I was pulling my daughter.  I did something else special with my daughter that day so she didn't feel like she was being punished.  I never addressed it with the bully's mom.  I didn't know the bully's mom well and I didn't feel comfortable contacting her.

I also did a lot of role playing with my daughter which was very helpful.  Also I sent an email to all of my daughter's teachers and explained the situation from my daughter's perspective.  I never referred to the girl as a bully in my emails to the teachers and I said if I am hearing only half a story or if my daughter is being disrespectful to let me know.  I told the other teachers that I expected my daughter to be polite to the bully but that my daughter did not have to play with someone who was continually treating her poorly. I told my daughter if the bully tried to join the group that my daughter was playing at recess for example that she should excuse herself and find another activity.  It's really powerful for a "good" kid to hear that not everyone has to be your friend.

Recently, I saw the bully's mom at another social event and she told me that her daughter was having a lot of "problems" making friends.  Out of compassion, I asked my daughter if she would invite the bully to her birthday party who heartily agreed. It was a large party and I told my daughter just to be friendly and that if she didn't feel comfortable that she didn't have to hang out with the girl. My daughter said the girl was very nice at the party.

I don't think the two of them will be life long friends (I would discourage that) and the girl still has a reputation of being somewhat of a bully but as kids age dynamics change.  When I thought the other girl was capable of treating my daughter somewhat respectfully, I encouraged my daughter to have empathy for her and to include her in certain activities such as the birthday party.  The girl has had a very tough family life.

OP- When your child is being bullied you have to teach your kid boundaries of what is acceptable/non-acceptable.  The posters who said to have the kids play together are clueless.  I would actually tell your daughter the opposite.  I would say something like- We are not going to Larla's house (if invited for a playdate) because Larla can't treat you with respect and I care too much about you to put you in that situation.  Even more powerful might be, I'm not going to invite Larla over to our house because she is demonstrating behavior that is unacceptable in this house.  Unfortunately, there are certain place like school where you are going to have to deal with difficult people like Larla.  The best thing you can do is to not engage her and find other kids to play with.  You must be respectful of Larla but you do not have to be her friend. I also want you to keep an open mind, I know that people make mistakes and have bad days and you wouldn't want people to judge you based on your worst day.  If Larla changes and starts demonstrating good behavior (not hot and cold) then you should be inclusive at school.

Good luck OP![/quote]

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