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Reply to "7 yr relationship, no ring yet - am I wasting my time?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP I made a rule that after 2 years, men should know if they want to marry you and if they haven't proposed after year 3 they're gone. [/quote]

I'm a dude and I think this is eminently reasonable.  You know after two years whether or not someone is a long term fit or not.  Let me put it this way: if you don't know the answer is yes, with a great deal of certainty, after two years, it's highly unlikely you will ever feel that certainty.  It takes three months for people to reveal themselves (it's hard to keep a mask on longer than that) - after a year, you probably know them well.  After a second year to make sure you think you can work together, you've got your answer.  If ambiguity remains, then that means the answer is NO.  Tossing in a third year as a margin for error seems plenty generous.

OP: Ordinarily my advice would be to step up and propose yourself, but after seven years, he's in stasis - doesn't want to face change (either moving forward to marriage or being alone) - and is likely to just say yes to avoid change.  That's a terrible reason to marry and one sees lots of divorces that started this way: someone who really didn't want to get married but went ahead with it because they were afraid to face being alone or the pain of breaking up.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with starting a relationship being very clear that you are looking for someone to get serious with - just eliminate all the dabblers and toe-dippers up front.[/quote]

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