Reply to Would You Remain Married If You Didn't Have Kids Together?

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Reply to "Would You Remain Married If You Didn't Have Kids Together?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

Ah but you're missing the point. Having someone to grow old with = great. It's not what the PP is saying though. Sexual variety is exciting. Having sex with the same person forever is not. It's fine, it's its own closeness, but it's not exciting. And this is really why there's so many sexless marriages. Sex with the same person gets boring. And boredom comes easily enough without having to do work to achieve it. When it comes down to it (and I'm not in a sexless marriage but I can easily see how it happens), sometimes it's not worth it to put in the effort to do something that is really pretty boring. This is why if I didn't want to have kids I wouldn't have gotten married. I love our family and our life so I accept that sex has lost that electric luster it had when I was single and fucking a new guy for the first time. As long as I'm married, I won't experience that ever again. For my kids and our family and our life, I accept that. If kids weren't in the picture? Hell no. It sounds like I'm saying I don't love my husband but I'm not. I'm just saying, I accept the drawbacks to marriage and monogamy because of what I gain from the family and marriage. Without those benefits, what's the point of signing on for the drudgery? [/quote]

Thanks for clearing that up for me.

But do you think if you didn't have kids, that maybe the sex wouldn't have lost that electric luster?  Since kids/family brings on a whole new dynamic to a relationship?  No kids means more time to do your own thing and maybe keep that spark alive?[/quote]

Nope. It isn't the kids. It's familiarity. It's the known. (And known, and known some more.) Women say it's the kids and it is to a small extent but they aren't fully to blame. But women do use them as an explanation because then it seems fixable. "When the kids are older it will be like it was." "If when would help split the childcare duties, I would want to have sex again." But the truth is, sex with the same person becomes boring and familiar over time and this it loses its appeal and it's not REALLY fixable because of course, as time goes on, the relationship only gets LESS new and exciting. People want to think if their spouse did more chores or complained less or lost weight the sex life would return to what it was but truthfully it never can because what makes sex so thrilling and alluring is the newness of another person's body, being whoever you want to be with that person because they don't yet know the real you, and being DISCOVERABLE. [/quote]

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