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[quote=Anonymous]OP, as a woman (who happens to like sex), listen to what 21:53 is saying.  It's not clear to me whether you've had conversations with your wife only about your sex life, or whether you've also discussed the emotional intimacy and connection in your marriage.  For many women -  especially when we're in a serious relationship dealing with the good, bad & ugly that goes with that - we need to feel good emotionally about our partner in order to have passion for him.  It could be that emotional intimacy is lacking and that is causing your wife's lack of desire.  Or it could be that after years of having these discussions, you two have fallen into a trap of you complaining, her feeling bad about herself, which makes her avoid sex, which makes you more unhappy.  In either case, couples therapy could help.

On the other hand, I believe that married spouses owe it to each other to try their best to meet each others sexual and emotional needs.  If she's refusing to do this, and if she refuses to get help to change for the good of the marriage, then I don't believe it would be selfish for you to ask for a divorce.

It's hard to tell from what you've written whether the issue is no sex vs. differences in the frequency of sex; whether there are medical or other fixable issues effecting her desire, and whether you've discussed that possibility with her; and whether either of you have checked out in terms of emotional intimacy.[/quote]

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