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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I really think you are too deeply involved in this.  I doubt the wife would appreciate his confiding so much in you.  It is nice you are so concerned, and it sounds like you are a good friend. I would take a step back and just listen at this point.  Not offer more advice.  [/quote]

Not OP, but this advice is SO depressing and ridiculous.  This man is having a true life crisis, and what, you want him to just think it all through by himself in silence?  THIS IS WHAT CLOSE FRIENDS ARE FOR!!!  The reason your post is so depressing (and a few others like your post) is it seems like maybe you and others don't have close friends in this way?  Seriously, other than therapy, do you really expect people to not try to talk to close friends who they trust and who know all the players to sort this all out?

I say this in all sincerity: just about every major problem and subsequent positive change I've made in my life started with either an observation from a close friend that I wasn't ok, or me going to them to tell them what was up and ask for advice.  I recently went through a huge major life stressor, and a close friend was so absolutely indespensible in helping me resolve it and learn so much from it...

Having a sounding board and getting advice is exactly what close friends are for.  They know the players, they know you, and hopefully they have good advice.  Sometimes they have shitty advice, which is too bad, but the person in need should always be weighing all advice (no matter how beloved the source) against their own common sense and needs.  I've gotten bad advice, but it's usually pretty clear and I usually can consider the source and appreciate the desire to help without taking the advice.

Anyway, OP, good for your friend for NOT suffering in silence, and good for you for caring enough to really try to get info and ideas and help.  I actually really disagree with your assumptions that once his wife knows she'll of course not want to stay married, and I disagree that that is the inevitable result.  But I appreciate your desire to help him and I still think you should give him advice, even if I disagree with it.

And PP, I hope you are lucky enough to find new close friends - the kind who tell you what you don't want to hear in the most loving and supportive ways possible, because we all have truths about ourselves that we need reflected back in ways that eventually we can learn from and maybe even fix.  [/quote]

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