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[quote=Anonymous]NP... OP and everyone else, at the end of the day you know what matters MUCH MORE than whether there are perfect people and how to deal with people who are perfect or seem perfect?  The comparisons do NOTHING to make things better in your own life, and dwelling on the envy, or wondering how they do it, or wondering what secrets they're harboring actually takes the focus OFF of your life, your family, your health, your wellbeing.

I understand this, I really do, because I'm almost 50 and it's taken me about the first 45 years to learn this for myself.  And I agree, Facebook is the WORST because it seems like EVERYONE YOU KNOW is living a better life than you are.  But most faintly sane people do *not* post about the health concerns, the affairs, the job misery, the serious challenges with their kids.  Hopefully those people confide in trusted friends in real life, but on FB it seems like everyone is perfect except you.  Everyone travels; everyone loves their perfect kids who do cool things; everyone has adventures; everyone knows fabulous people.  Yes, those people do do those things, I don't think people lie much on FB... but NO ONE has it that perfectly, and it gives a totally distorting view of people's lives!

This is what I've learned and how I've stopped focusing on other people's seemingly rich, priviledged, exciting, "always happy" lives:

1. There's no such thing as a perfect life

2. The world actually is better and safer though if people are happy.  So for those who really do seem to be happy and stable, that's good...hopefully they're raising sane, healthy, kind kids who won't be terrors as adults because they are so miserable and insecure.  That's a good thing overall.

3. And this is the MOST IMPORTANT: Any focus on someone else's life takes the focus off of mine.  Whatever is NOT perfect in my life, I am not any closer to resolving it or working through it if I'm spending time envying or wondering about someone else's life.  ANd it's so easy to avoid the pain of our own lives by looking at other people, hence the wild success of reality shows and celebrity news.

But when you turn off the t.v.... when you get off the internet... when you come home from the party and are back "in" your own life, thinking about other people's lives is a distraction.  It does no good and does a lot of harm.

So what I do when I find myself thinking about someone else and envying them, I ask myself - and I admit this will sound really hokey to some of you, but fuck it, it works for me incredibly well - I think "what small thing can I do right now or within the next day to bring myself a little more JOY and a little more EASE".  I ask myself this and think about small things I can do, and also think about bigger joy and ease goals.  Examples from the last few years, including when we went through a traumatic move, I lost my job, my DH hates his job, and health concerns about our child: I'm going to spend more time appreciating what is good, great and healthy about my child, and tell her even more than I already do; I'm going to trust that I will find a better job and not focus on my anger and bitterness at the loss, but on looking for a much better job (and I found one!); I'm going to get up a little earlier most mornings and just think about the day, think about what I predict will stress me out, and think about how I can handle it differently, including many interactions with DH.

Those are just examples from my life, but I'll tell you what, it has changed so much for the better in my life.  It's so simple, yet so hard to do: focusing on yourself and what you can do to bring more joy and more ease into your life.  But it is a WAY WAY WAY more productive thing to do with your mind than pondering other people's lives, whether they really are perfect or secretly miserable.  Them being secretly miserable doesn't do anything to make your life better, it doesn't resolve whatever is stressing you out.  It just maybe makes you feel a little less inadequate, but it's not worth the agony it brings before you see the chinks in their perfect armor.

Stop thinking about these people and their perfections.  This is the life they have, this is the life you have, and you only have today and tomorrow to improve your own life.  Don't waste today brooding over someone else's life - your own life needs your attention right now![/quote]

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