Reply to If you had a parent that had an affair....

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "If you had a parent that had an affair.... "

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, your dad only saw you once a month.  And when he did I'm sure it's clear you weren't in the best situation.  He knew where you were living.  He didn't support you.  You wanted your mom to do more to save the marriage but when someone has started ANOTHER FAMILY you can pretty much put a fork in it.  Who would want to save a marriage like that!?  Now clearly your mom let this ruin her life and she's not resilient.  She absolutely should have moved on by now but holy crap there was nothing for her to save!  All I know is if my parents had divorced my dad would have still done whatever he could have to be around me and support me financially.[/quote]

My dad only saw me once a month because he lived in another state and that's what the court allowed. He gave what he could. He earned a lot less than my mom did at that point because he only had a high school diploma then. He actually started college a year before I did. And he emotionally supported me more than my mother ever has.

Lots of women stay in their marriages after the husband has a baby with a mistress. There were men in my mom's own family who had second families. My mom only cared because my dad was happy.

Speaking of happy, I've wasted enough time trying to explain this. The OP --who is NOT me, btw-- asked the question and I answered it truthfully. My dad's affair and my mother's reaction to it had a huge negative impact on my tween and teen years. I've moved on. I'm happy. My kids are happy. My dad is happy. My mom isn't happy but she prefers it that way.
[/quote]

I'm glad you're happy.  But, you have a really twisted view of what women are worth.  This is evident in the fact that your expectation for women is that they should tolerate lies and second families and that the children of fathers should expect so little financial support and time with them.  It's shocking to me that you think your father's differential financial support of his children is OK, and that you think it was OK that he lived in another state and only saw you once a month.  But, I'm sure that you have to believe this in order to have a "good" relationship with one of your parents.

Your mom is bitter because your father did something that was one of the worst betrayals possible.  He changed her life in an irrevocable way.  There is nothing a woman can do to "deserve" the kind of treatment, i.e. secret family, that your father dished out, no matter what was going on in the marriage.  IMO, adultery is a form of serious emotional abuse.  The aftermath often leaves women traumatized with a kind of PTSD.  Not to mention the serious economic impact that many women find it difficult or impossible to recover from.

Your viewpoint, to me, is akin to telling an abused wife that she should tolerate being beaten because many other women tolerate it.

[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics