Reply to Today is the day that I hate my husband

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Wow, OP, I can really relate.  [b]My DH had that hard shell when we fell in love, too, but he let me in, and I never felt the cold sharpness of it from the receiving end.  I saw someone who had been hurt by the world and undervalued by the people closest to him, and I was flattered that he let me in beyond his walls.  Once we were married though (and we're less than 2 years married now) he shut me out more and more.  It's the little things like you mention that add up...any compliment I give him goes nowhere ("That was a delicious dinner" "Of course it was"...), there are no compliments my way - none - he never smiles when I come in the room, he can't say anything nice about anything, he won't allow me to do anything for him like bring him a drink.  Literally, I will be in the kitchen and ask can I bring him anythjng, he'll say no, and a minute later get up and get his own drink.  Nothing I can do can bring him the slightest pleasure.  It's exhausting and demoralizing.
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[b]On the other hand, he barely stops doing housework all day and our toddler adores him. [/b] Everyone thinks he's such a great husband, but I fear unless he changes pretty dramatically, I can't imagine sharing a home with someone who just seems to dislike me so fully.[/quote]

OP here. This is almost exactly what I am going through.  I see that I am being criticized for not providing specifics. That makes sense, but the specifics are very hard to describe.  It's not one action - it is just a general overall attitude that suggest a complete lack of appreciation, needing or wanting me for anything.  If I like something - it is automatically stupid and not worth his time.  If I ask if I can help with anything, he is never receptive to it.  If I try and praise him, he rebuffs it. Virtually any question I ask him is met with exasperation from him.  This, also coupled with the fact that he has a sharp wit and has no issue making fun of me, yet literally loses his mind and becomes severely offended if I throw a little his way.  I am not at all sensitive to jokes at my expense.  Usually, the smart ass comment is well deserved.  But, if it is reversed, he can't handle it, he gets angry, and has no problem ripping me apart for what I said in front of friends and family.  It's embarrassing.

On the other hand - he is a great father.  He helps around the house.  He is committed to the family.  So, what do you do, right?    [/quote]

I think he sounds deeply narcissistic and that it's unlikely to change without counseling and/or medication.  It is very hard to be a perfectionist and draining when you expect everyone around you to measure up.  When they don't, you cut them off, because they aren't helping you live up to the image that you feel you must maintain.  It may stem from some family factors - parents who praised your DH excessively combined with some childhood trauma.  But simply having a "talk" with DH will likely go nowhere - because he'll see that in the first instance as your trying to get a pass for not meeting his expectations.

I think the only consolation I can offer is that it's not easy for him, either.   On the other hand, you do need to understand that eventually your kids will feel the same way in his presence that you do. [/quote]

10:23 here: yes, I would agree that he sounds narcissistic. That's exactly how my friend's ex behaved and still does. His parents worship the ground he walks on and make every excuse for him. When he left my friend and then she didn't respond in the way he wanted her to by agreeing to all of his demands, he went crazy. That's what narcissists do: going against their wishes is the ultimate rejection. [/quote]

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