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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=AnonymousTheir non-attendance has everything to do with the kids being Christian and not Jewish - I know this because MIL has told DH so. .[/quote]

You did not mention that earlier, but said, IIRC, that your situation was just like another poster - a poster who said they did NOT know what was going on, which is why I speculated. Seems like a failure of communication here. Im not saying that is your problem with your ML.

There are jewish people out there would be okay with their kids marrying a (unconverted) non-Jew, as long as their grand kids are Jewish. That used to be considered a pretty tolerant position.    We have come quite a way when we are expected to be happy that our grandchildren are christians, and to celebrate the fact.   I think you may not understand what having jewish descendants means to people.

Perhaps you would have been happier had your MIL just said kaddish for your DH when he married you. [/quote]

I do understand what it means.  Do you think that onlyl Jews can possibly understand?  Because that is what you are suggesting when you insist that I "may not understand."

Where you and I disagree is whether the unkind/hurtful response to the situation is justified.  IMO it is not.

Your comment about kaddish is just rude.  Do you think the only acceptable responses by a Jewish grandparent to a situation like ours is (a) hurtful and sometimes hostile refusal to participate; or (b) saying kaddish?[/quote]

There are clearly many other ways.  But I think maybe if someone like the PPs MIL is so pained by what happened, a complete cutoff old style might be the best, for all.  Reminding PP that that WAS the old way might also help her see how traumatic this has been, and how much her MIL may have compromised already (I dont know here MIL - maybe her MIL isn't that old fashioned  and this comes from left field, but I kinda doubt that)

PP has lots of anger at her MIL, is inviting strangers  to judge her MIL, and people are calling her MIL rude, inconsiderate, etc. Someone who is NOT in a position to respond.

If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen. [/quote]

This is, unfortunately, is the reality of what happens many times when Jews intermarry, be it right or wrong.  It sucks for EVERYONE involved. [/quote]

That says a lot. And when you say "right or wrong" I can't see how that is even a question.[/quote]

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