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[quote=Anonymous]This is such an interesting thread.  I have a SN daughter who is not at all visibly SN.  However, she has gone to several inclusion schools and camps with other SN kids, some of whom have been severely physically and/or mentally disabled.  We also have an older, NT daughter who has gone to some of these programs and gone with me to drop off and pick up at others.  Neither of my daughters have EVER asked what is "wrong" with another child, and have never treated any of these other children or parents unlike any other children or parents.  I think this mostly has to do with consistent exposure to diversity of all kinds, and honesty about all of our limitations and differences as human beings.  It really hasn't been anything I have deliberately done, other than consistently answered questions with 'everyone is different.  some people are small, some people are big, some people need glasses, some people need wheelchairs, some people can talk easily, some people can't' and pointed out ways in which people in our own family or who they know well are different (mommy can't eat certain foods, daddy gets migraines, grammie has glasses, your cousin has ADHD, etc. etc.).  I have been so touched to hear one of my kids - say "Susie doesn't talk, she squeaks" after introducing me to a non-verbal friend in a wheelchair in the same way that they would say "Samantha has brown hair" or "Jacob likes Star Wars" (although interestingly she said this about Susie after we walked away, not in front of her).  I have been told by child development experts that children process differences but verbalizing them (i.e., that child has brown skin) and that they should not be scolded for noticing those differences.  When my children point out differences matter-of-factly, I do not make a big deal out of it but simply say "yep!"  When my daughter said her friend talked by squeaking I said "that's interesting!" and asked her other questions about her friend and her day - what they played, if they had fun at the activity, etc.  I have noticed my kids staring a few times, and I try to redirect their attention if I think it is obvious and could make the child or parent uncomfortable.  In those situations, I talk later with my child and say "I noticed you looking at X, was it a little scary to see a child who can't do the same things that a lot of children can do?" and we talk about it.  I have found that it is usually that they are wondering what that would be like for them to be in that situation - and it's an opportunity for me to talk to them about how that child is just a child who happens to have whatever physical limitation they noticed.

And I'd say, talk to other mothers at the pool with disabled children, or not, just as you would any other mother and child.  THAT is what truly will teach your children to be comfortable about, and valuing of, all of the differences that exist out there.  I empathize, however, because we all can be uncomfortable with unfamiliar experiences and differences we can't fully understand.  You just have to make an effort to remember that it could be any one of us faced with that particular challenge, and treat people accordingly.    [/quote]

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