Reply to Why are people so anti-sibling when not drop off parties?

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Reply to "Why are people so anti-sibling when not drop off parties?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]When you bring uninvited guests, you're saying that your convenience outweighs the plans of the host. You wouldn't expect them to reschedule it if you can't make that date, would you? Sometimes you can't make it. If you can't make it without bringing an extra guest, this is one of those times.[/quote]

+1. The entitlement of some PPs is truly appalling. Especially the ones trying to couch it as ungracious on the host's part, to not want uninvited siblings. Unbelievable.[/quote]

It's incredible to me that in one or two generations manners have devolved so greatly and entitlement has become so significant. When we fortysomethings were kids, our parents understood that birthday parties were for invited guests. They didn't expect to foist off their extra kids on the hosts. Now parents view a party invitation for one child as an invitation to bring all their (sometimes poorly behaved) kids for free entertainment, food and drink, and goodie bags. When that's not the case, they label hosts as rude or ungracious. Perhaps worse, they inadvertently teach kids that they're always invited everywhere and always should be. [/quote]
[b]
Funny, I would say that the entitled person is the one who thinks that their 2 or 3 year old needs a birthday party with goodie bags, and expensive entertainment.[/b]

[b]We never took siblings to birthday parties when I was a kid because parties were little things you had in the backyard when you were old enough to stay without your parents. [/b] The only parties I would have gone to with my parents in tow would have been for family or family friends and then of course the whole family would have come.

I think that expecting parents to provide childcare at your party, and not accommodating their other children is ridiculous.  I also think the argument that "we'd have 20 extra kids" is ridiculous.  In my circle of friends the norm was to invite siblings.  Older siblings rarely came as they usually had their own weekend engagements, so at a toddler birthday party you would have some babies in arms (who generally, in my experience, don't need to pay or put up a fuss about goodie bags), and maybe a couple of close in age siblings.  [/quote]

Sure, I can agree with your first bolded point. No kid needs these parties. But that's not up to the parents of the invited guest, right? So as the parent of an invited child, all you can own is your part of it : do you read the invitation to include siblings when that's really not the host's intent, and get huffy and both on DCUM when it doesn't? If so, the entitlement is yours.

From your second bolded point it's clear that you understand it's rude to expect siblings to be invited. Your own parents didn't do it. Now, however, many parents do expect it. [/quote]

My point is that these things didn't exist when I was a kid, so no my parents didn't send me to them along with my siblings.  They also didn't take my siblings without me.  When something new comes along, like non drop off birthday parties, you need new etiquette rules.  Saying "Well my parents didn't bring siblings to non drop off parties" is like saying "Well, my parents didn't wear clothing to non drop off parties".  It is technically true, but not exactly a compelling argument for showing up naked.

I happen to be the parent of an only child, so my decisions were easy.  I always invited siblings if the kids were too young to be dropped off, and I never once brought a sibling with me.  If I had another child, we'd respect the parents wishes, but might do so by not showing up at all. [b] However, I'd also think it sad that their intent in having the party was to spoil their child rather than to build community, and it would impact my interest in being friends with them. [/quote][/b]
You think having a smaller birthday party with only guests that the child actually knows is "spoiling" a kid? And you think the point of a birthday party is for the parents to develop a friendship with you and build community? I guess we will agree to disagree, then. [/quote]

If it's a small birthday party, then you shouldn't need parents to stay.  Invite the number of children you can manage on your own.

Yes, I think that toddler birthday parties are about building community.  Or rather I think they should be.  What do you think is the purpose of a toddler birthday party?[/quote]

I agree that at a small toddler party parents shouldn't need to stay unless the point is to celebrate with other families. I know some parents, though, who will never drop off their kids until they are much older. They're usually the same ones who expect to bring other kids too. I've not had it happen to me, but I've seen it at other kids' parties.

I think the purpose of a toddler birthday party is for a group of 2 YOs to have fun playing and eating cake. [/quote]

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