Reply to How would you feel if your spouse spent thousands on your birthday gift?

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[quote=Anonymous]A DH here.  If you want to effectively communicate with your husband, you need to separate two parts of this issue.  First, you need to acknowledge and appreciate the gift and sentiment for what he gave you.  Second, you will need to address how you communicate, how you agree on things and how to compromise so that you both feel heard and understood.  I say you need to separate them because while you are talking about the second one, he will be fuming about the first one and you will not effectively be communicating or at least won't be communicating about the same topic.

So, you first show appreciation for the gift and his thoughtfulness and let him understand that you feel that he treated you well (regarding the gift, not he spending of the money).

Then, give it a few days to settle in.  Then when both of you are calm and have time, make time to talk to him about family finances.  Explain that while you were flattered that he got you such an expensive gift that you thought you had discussed that any large purchase (and set a dollar limit on what constitutes large) should be discussed by you both since it affects the joint family budget.  Although you understand the sentiment of doing something extremely nice, explain that you are worried about the family's long-term financial plans and that any changes in your spending habits need to be discussed so that you can also discuss how to factor a large expense into the plan.

Last, keep the jewelry for now.  It's not worth the aggravation that returning it will cause, both for you on the time and effort to return it and on him for the angst caused by feeling that you don't appreciate the gift or sentiment from him.  You don't need the money now and sometime down the road, you can get the item appraised and try to resell it for the cash, but don't do it now, wait a while and you'll spare his feelings and avoid adding extra stress on your relationship.

Just some suggestions to make this easier.  Remember, he's your partner and while the adage is "Happy wife, happy life."  the same sentiments work the other way too.  You and your marriage will be happier in the long run if you don't tread all over his feelings.[/quote]

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