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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]A problem in this area is there is such a large concentration of parents who went to Ivies or other very good schools that the kids in this area feel a very palpable pressure to go to those schools.  That puts a heavy burden to excel academically on kids, especially since there are so many other kids in the same class/school feeling the same way.  The pressure could be self imposed or could be from real expectations imposed by parents, but, either way, it is magnified in this area because of the large number of kids competing to be among the chosen few.  I'm not criticizing the drive to get into Ivies, I'm just pointing out that while most of the time the demographics in this area provides our kids with benefits, it can at times create unintended burdens.  [b]Each ivy will only take so many kids from one school, the kids know this, and the pressure begins.[/b]  The kids also want to be as successful professionally as their parents, which is another high bar in this area.  Again, this is not a criticism of having a drive to be successful, I'm just pointing out that sometimes we forget or don't notice some of the pressures our kids face.  [/quote]

[b]As I said, quotas are a serious problem. Fairness isn't really fair.[/quote][/b]

No, the problem is the entitlement mentality implicit in this statement. Your child is not entitled to admission to an Ivy League school or to UVA. Nor, for that matter, are you or your child entitled to fairness. WTH does fairness even mean in this context? Why is your straight A student more entitled to admission than the tens of thousands of other straight A students? Why isn't it just as "fair" for a college to decide it wants students from a variety of different backgrounds?

There is a certain class of parent--bright, highly educated, overachieving and overpaid--who seems in some essential way to be stuck in 3rd grade emotionally. "That's not fair! My child works so hard, she deserves this!" My god, grow the fuck up! Life isn't fair. And you are doing a grave disservice to your children by encouraging them to just work a little harder so they can enjoy all those special opportunities they so richly deserve. The unspoken message you send to your child is: if I don't get what I want, it must be because I didn't deserve it. What you fail to teach your children is that no one gets what they want all the time, no matter how smart you are or how hard you work. What you fail to teach your children is to expect occasional disappointment and the resiliency to handle it when it comes.[/quote]

No my child isn't entitled, nor did I say that. That IS MY POINT. T he child who gets in who doesn't make the cut grade-wise, standardized test wise isn't either. But that child gets in. Why? You know damn well what the answer is. "Fairness". It's not FAIR that you have money and they don't. It's not FAIR, so we are going to ensure there are tight quotas coming out of that school with wealthy kids. We are going to punish the KIDS simply because their PARENTS have done well.

You clearly aren't reading the thread. What you are doing is saying "Oh, Langley parents are wealthy and I hate them for that. Therefore they think they are entitled to everything."[/quote]

You have colossally missed the point; but thanks for making *my* point so neatly.

You think that if things were "fair," your well-qualified child would get in. But that isn't true. There are tens of thousands of kids who look JUST LIKE YOUR KID. They can't all get into Harvard. There is no "fair" way to allow access to every one. Your child is working so hard not to get into Harvard but to be eligible to buy a lottery ticket to Harvard. It's not "fair," because there aren't enough spaces for all the eligible kids.

Even if there were enough space, you don't get to make the rules. Someone else had decided that there are benefits *to the school* to having kids from different backgrounds. It's THEIR school. They get to make the rules. THAT'S fair to them. It would not be fair to Harvard to make them play by YOUR rules. And that's the point: there is no objectively fair way to admit students to college. You can say it's not fair to allow the kids of wealhty alums in to Harvard, too. But if I'm an alum donating lots to Harvard, well admission for my kids seems pretty fair to me.

The other thing I will point out is that you are arguing that your child is disadvantaged in the game of life because she has well-off parents. Are you kidding? If you really think there is an advantage to raising your children in poorer circumstances and sending them to schools with fewer resources, then why haven't you done so?

This is exactly what I am talking about. You are so entitled in your thinking, you think someone is doing you a bad turn. You and your children are victims of discrimination. "It's not fair!!!"

It's like the opposite of the old saying. You weren't born on 3rd base and think you hit a triple. Your child was born on third base and you think she is stuck on first.

Missing out on Harvard is not a "punishment." But if you think so, no wonder your kids are so anxious.[/quote]

You realize I am the parent who is NOT pushing for this, right?  Of course you don't. I don't give a rat's  ass if my kids go to Harvard. Never have. When you have entire schools of kids being punished because their parents dared do well, that's just wrong. Life isn't a box of skittles. Why should anyone's kid have to get a much higher goal to compete for the same spot?

Don't even mention certain groups of kids being singled out to get in state tuition when they are not residents of that state. [/quote]

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