Reply to Unmarried men, at what age is something seriously amiss?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm a guy but I do not think the answer to this question is gender-specific.  Anyone who makes it past 35, IMHO, without any successful, stable, long-term relationships, it's not just dumb luck.  In other words, there is a reason, whether deliberate or not on their part.

That's re-stating this as a negative, but what it amounts so is: either they really just don't want to be paired off or they have issues; the majority are sad cases who do think they want to be paired off but have issues which lead them to behave as if they don't really want a relationship and they sabotage themselves.

This is equally true for men and women and is mostly because they have big trust issues, generally due to coming from dysfunctional families of origin, though not always.

I think this pattern is revealed in people who tend to chase unavailable people, and who have a string of <24 month relationships ('cause that's generally fish-or-cut-bait time).  If someone makes it past 35 and they're still having a series of dating relationships more appropriate for 17-25 year olds, then they're stuck.

And before the "single and happy by choiice" crowds shows up pitchforks, I never said you couldn't be that way, but you also aren't really out seeking dates and relationships with people, are you?  This question really revolves around people who say they want to be in an LTR (of which marriage is one form), but never have been past age 35.

I was married pretty young and stayed married for 16 years; I found myself dating again in my late 30s, and because I'd had the joyous (sarcasm) experience of being stepfather to a kid who wasn't mine (see poster above, who is exactly right about all the downside, none of the upside), I wound up dating a lot of never-marrieds (kid-free), in this target age range.  There was a reason, every time.  Very "picky" and not wanting to "settle" was the general excuse, but what that really is, is looking for a reason to reject someone so you don't have to face up to a fear of committing.  Men and women do this.

The best, who are in short supply, were other 30-somethings, divorced (yay! You actually have a clue about what it means to be married!) and childless (no, I will not be raising someone else's kid again).  [/quote]

You know, for some of us who married later than these arbitrary numbers you guys are picking, it wasn't dumb luck. It was the smarts to hold out for someone we actually wanted to be with.

I did have long term relationships before I got married (at 37; hardly ancient - and we didn't want kids, so there was no ticking clock). So did my now-husband. But we were both smart enough not to settle down with the person we happened to be with at the age that folks are suggesting is a kind of drop dead date. I think we weren't either lucky enough to find the person we'd live happily with very young, or stupid enough to marry the person we wouldn't be happy with very young.[/quote]

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