Reply to What do you think about letting 17 yr old hang out alone in his room with his girlfriend?

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[quote=Anonymous]My DD is in elementary school, so I don't have skin in this game yet. I lost my virginity when I was 16. At my boyfriend's house. His parents weren't home. If they'd been home, there is NO WAY we would have had sex. None. Zero. Door open or closed, it would have made no difference. The only reason we did it there and not in his car was that they weren't home and the logistics seemed easier. As it was, I was worried they would come home the whole time and was in a huge hurry to get dressed as soon as we were finished. (For what it's worth, I wish that I'd had a rule similar to the PP's about no PIV sex until we could spend the night together. That would probably have been a much better and more romantic first time than what I actually had.)

My mom did not have a problem with me and my high school boyfriends (yes, I had more than one boyfriend in high school, which obviously makes me grandma material at age 32) being alone in my room with the door closed. I have two younger siblings. We were hanging out, studying, talking, listening to music, etc. Having my 8 year old brother and his friends being 8 year old boys would have interrupted all of that - especially the studying, which was the majority of our QT at our respective houses - the fooling around and whatever else went on at parties, in cars, etc.

My mom also was good at communicating with me about relationships, respect, sex, protection, love, and all the rest. I never received the message that sex was out of bounds for me. Her message (pre-age 16 virginity losing, which I told her about several months after it happened) was more that sex complicates relationships in ways that I might find that I was not emotionally mature enough to deal with, and that it was very, very important to practice safe sex, lest unprotected sex complicate my teenage relationships in physical ways as well as emotional ones. Her suggestion was, wait until you're ready and break up with anyone who pressures you and doesn't respect your wishes to wait. Her suggestion was, if you feel like you're ready, use protection. She also reinforced over and over that no matter what happened, she was always, always there for me. That if I was in a bad situation, I could always call her and we would deal with whatever breach of trust had occurred when I was safe.

She was and remains a great mom.

OP, given the reaction of this board, I would be concerned that your son's girlfriend's parents are likely not okay with the closed door QT. I honestly think that you should talk to your son and his girlfriend about that (not her parents, not just your son). Something along the lines of "Paul and Lydia, I appreciate all the time you've been spending over here and I'm glad you two enjoy each other's company so much. I wanted to check in to see what the ground rules are at Lydia's parents' house, because I would hate for there to be any sort of miscommunication that results in Lydia's parents not trusting my judgment. Are you allowed to be alone in her room with the door closed? What are her parents' rules about watching movies on the couch?" Etc. etc. My concern would be, in this situation, that Lydia's parents think you're some sort of permissive slut who is encouraging their daughter to get pregnant instead of doing her homework. I don't think there's any way to discuss that with them without getting an idea from your son and his girlfriend what their rules are in the first place.

Good luck![/quote]

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