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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]13:23 again-

what you describe is very honest and accurate assessment of a lot of the problems i see in relationships all around me.

I admire you for being able to see that clearly and admit that there are certain things you'd like to see change.

many people (women) would be outraged at the notion that a woman likes to lead at times or that a man should just schedule a date and let you know where to be and what to wear! i've seen it right here on DCUM.

with respect to career talk with wife, i don't ask my wife for input there at all on how to do what i need to do.  i do update her time to time on what is going on and if there are major changes coming, discuss them with her and see that we're on the same page.  but my career is my career and she knows i'll handle it as best as i can.

OP: what about the other areas of his life?  is he in shape?  does he take care of himself and his appearance?  does he do other things to improve himself and broaden his horizons?

I am going to guess no.

Men have to realize that there is no resting on our laurels.  We have to keep improving, have to stay sharp, have to continue being the best man we can be - or nature will take its course and eventually wife will recoil at the notion of us touching them.

[/quote]

Hi, 13:23, it's OP.  I didn't see this post originally.  The answer to all of your questions is not really.  He got really motivated for awhile to take care of himself and get in shape, and then some stressors hit us and he's reverted.  I try to be encouraging there but again, I have to tread lightly or I am being a critical bitch and he shuts down.  I have strongly encouraged him to go back to school, something he's always wanted to do and that I am willing to support him in doing (financially, emotionally and by picking up the slack at home), but he's waffling there too.  I would find his initiative to take that bull by its horns, study hard and kick ass very attractive.  I KNOW he could do it.

And you know, your last point is really spot on too.  Men expect us to stay thin, attractive, well-dressed, be supermoms, etc etc but fail to realize that we want an attractive partner too, not one who is just resigned to the inevitability of aging.  That said, DH does try.  I just wish he'd hang in there with me, and I feel like he's not. And I want to help him, but feel like he won't really let me, since all he seems to want is a cheerleader.  Any hint of challenging his assumptions, thought process, etc and he gets defensive.   [/quote]

I figured.

He probably knows all of this and is stuck.

I think it is really healthy for men to realize that they have to keep on improving to keep the desire high in a relationship.  I am in the gym 3 times a week and am stronger than I've ever been.  I pay attention to how a dress, keep up with styles and fashion and know that I need to be interesting, attractive and confident.  and i'm almost 40.

I think you should check out that site I suggested, get the book and give it to him.  Maybe leave it around.  I don't know.  There are women on there that can help you with this part of it as they have done it themselves.

so many factors can contribute to this negative situation - diet, lack of exercise, poor health choices, misinformation, lack of awareness..so many things.

I hope you can find some help at that site, I know people for whom it has been excellent.

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